I have a cold.
I'm whiney.
I have to clean my house anyway becasue I have people coming over tomorrow night.
I'd rather take a nap.
Or eat ice cream
Or just call it a day.
Did I mention I was whiney?
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sides of the story
I don't even know how to start this post because I don't know what to call the group of people I need to name with out causing unintended hurt.
OK, how about: those who have placed or had a child of theirs placed for adoption and are interested in adoption reform and claim that they haven't been heard. I agree. You haven't been.
What bothers me is when the group of people claiming to be unheard starts attacking groups they think HAVE been heard. Like the rest of the so called triad.
I think, because I fall into the adoptive parent group mostly that we too havne't been heard. When we started the process to adopt our son I felt fairly well versed in adoption. I had been on the biological family side, I'd read A book. I went to the agency classes. I was with it. I thought.
What I DIDN"T know was how lucky we were. We literally fell into an agency that just so happened to be, at least at the time we used them (they had been handeling adoptions for more the 50 years) very ehtical. I didn't know the other side that was out there. And wouldnt' even begin to see that until the adoption of our second child. THAT was when the rest of my education started.
Should I be blamed for what I didn't know I didn't know? I don't believe that I should be any more then a woman who placed her child for adoption should be blamed for not knowing understanding questioning more then she knew what to question at the time she placed.
SO, why do those who placed who wish now they hadn't feel they need to attack adoptive parents as a group? Why call us "adopters" . Why say things that are said to make us feel less then parents of our children? We are not the enemy. As a group we for the most part are trying to do our best. There are bad eggs in our group just like in any other group on this planet. Name calling gets us no where. It can not undo the past.
And while on the subject, birthparent. Is it possible that sometimes this term really IS relavent and a good choice. For many of the other parents in my kids' life birthparent does seem to fit becuase they have choosen NOT to be involved after birth. I don't think that dimishes who they are....it just identifies what their relationship is. Which is probably why I take offence to the term "adopter". To me that lables something I did. Its not something I'm doing still. It be like calling you a high schooler. You once were, but your most likely not now. I did adopt. Today I'm not. It really just doesn't fit because no one can be constantly adopting.
So anyway. I'm for Adotion reform. Adoption education. Not slamming each other. Not causing more hurt.
And I think anything related to adoption reform needs to be 100% about the adoptee first.
Talk about sides of the story not heard.
OK, how about: those who have placed or had a child of theirs placed for adoption and are interested in adoption reform and claim that they haven't been heard. I agree. You haven't been.
What bothers me is when the group of people claiming to be unheard starts attacking groups they think HAVE been heard. Like the rest of the so called triad.
I think, because I fall into the adoptive parent group mostly that we too havne't been heard. When we started the process to adopt our son I felt fairly well versed in adoption. I had been on the biological family side, I'd read A book. I went to the agency classes. I was with it. I thought.
What I DIDN"T know was how lucky we were. We literally fell into an agency that just so happened to be, at least at the time we used them (they had been handeling adoptions for more the 50 years) very ehtical. I didn't know the other side that was out there. And wouldnt' even begin to see that until the adoption of our second child. THAT was when the rest of my education started.
Should I be blamed for what I didn't know I didn't know? I don't believe that I should be any more then a woman who placed her child for adoption should be blamed for not knowing understanding questioning more then she knew what to question at the time she placed.
SO, why do those who placed who wish now they hadn't feel they need to attack adoptive parents as a group? Why call us "adopters" . Why say things that are said to make us feel less then parents of our children? We are not the enemy. As a group we for the most part are trying to do our best. There are bad eggs in our group just like in any other group on this planet. Name calling gets us no where. It can not undo the past.
And while on the subject, birthparent. Is it possible that sometimes this term really IS relavent and a good choice. For many of the other parents in my kids' life birthparent does seem to fit becuase they have choosen NOT to be involved after birth. I don't think that dimishes who they are....it just identifies what their relationship is. Which is probably why I take offence to the term "adopter". To me that lables something I did. Its not something I'm doing still. It be like calling you a high schooler. You once were, but your most likely not now. I did adopt. Today I'm not. It really just doesn't fit because no one can be constantly adopting.
So anyway. I'm for Adotion reform. Adoption education. Not slamming each other. Not causing more hurt.
And I think anything related to adoption reform needs to be 100% about the adoptee first.
Talk about sides of the story not heard.
Haiti
I don't know about where you live....but there is NO news in my paper about the devistation the hurricanes have done to the poor country of Haiti. I had to go the internet to find some. I was able to find out that according to news sources approximately 300 people have been killed.
Then I started reading some blogs. The people who are actually there say this number is low. They tell stories, that match about what the UN is NOT doing. WHY????
I'm posting a link here because this blogger asked people to do so. To get the word out. I don't get that much trafffic but its worth a shot. I need to fire off some letters to my senators too. Stuff like this makes me feel so helpless. Anyone got any other ideas of what could be done??
http://haitibaby.blogspot.com/2008/09/gonaives-haiti.html
Then I started reading some blogs. The people who are actually there say this number is low. They tell stories, that match about what the UN is NOT doing. WHY????
I'm posting a link here because this blogger asked people to do so. To get the word out. I don't get that much trafffic but its worth a shot. I need to fire off some letters to my senators too. Stuff like this makes me feel so helpless. Anyone got any other ideas of what could be done??
http://haitibaby.blogspot.com/2008/09/gonaives-haiti.html
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Talents
A Sunday home. We claimed it. All 3 girls have bad colds and so we used that as an excuse to duck out of a family event. Its justified, baby was up twice last night being pitiful. Colds are just no fun and these days there is precious little that you can give babes to help....all the good stuff now off the shelves.
So, we are home. We made a big breakfast, DH helped me move some furniture and I got some painting in on a MOPS project while the little girls napped. I should have just napped with them. I really like to make crafty things. Its a blast. BUT I'm truely not any good at them. I'm going to have to cajole DH into helping me make them look presentable. They are suppose to be centerpices for the tables and right now....I would have to blame my little ones for helping I think. They are that bad.
This project made me think of math. I like math. Always have. And I am absolutely no good at it. I BARELY pulled a C in algebra in college which is frustrating as I spent lots of time on it and really, it was one of my favorite classes.
So, my question to you out there, that is if there is anyone out there reading....what is something you LOVE to do....but really aren't so very good at.
So, we are home. We made a big breakfast, DH helped me move some furniture and I got some painting in on a MOPS project while the little girls napped. I should have just napped with them. I really like to make crafty things. Its a blast. BUT I'm truely not any good at them. I'm going to have to cajole DH into helping me make them look presentable. They are suppose to be centerpices for the tables and right now....I would have to blame my little ones for helping I think. They are that bad.
This project made me think of math. I like math. Always have. And I am absolutely no good at it. I BARELY pulled a C in algebra in college which is frustrating as I spent lots of time on it and really, it was one of my favorite classes.
So, my question to you out there, that is if there is anyone out there reading....what is something you LOVE to do....but really aren't so very good at.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
New
New school year. New blog look.
I've changed "looks" before...but MAN have I struggled this time with it and I don't know why. The previous background I had would not stay deleted making a rather scary blend of whats up there and whats there now. I FINALLY got rid of that....but now the stuff I usually keep on the side....is at the bottom...and it won't move...and I'm tired of it so I thought perhaps I'd just blog about it. Fitting.
School has started for the older two and seems to be going well over all. Back into the swing of things gradually. Next week we get to jump in full force with preschool and after school activities. I wish I could say I was greatful but honestly I wish we had just one more month of summer. I rather go hang out at the pool. Don't tell my 9 year old.
In other news, my Grandma is not doing well. A week ago she had a stroke and the tumer moved/grew/advanced/ whatever preventing her from being able to eat/drink/absorb food. The doctor gave her a week at most. Day 9 here. So, medicine really is not so much an exact science is it? Its just hard for everyone. Hard for her to deal with the end, with all the joys of life taken away. Hard for everyone else to watch helplessly and feeling guilty thinking/planning/not talking about whats next.
So whats a person to do? Well, spend two days going through kids' clothes. I have NO bags of unorganized clothes anywhere in this house. Done with that task I moved on to windows today and other random cleaning type chores. Guess thats one way of dealing.
I've changed "looks" before...but MAN have I struggled this time with it and I don't know why. The previous background I had would not stay deleted making a rather scary blend of whats up there and whats there now. I FINALLY got rid of that....but now the stuff I usually keep on the side....is at the bottom...and it won't move...and I'm tired of it so I thought perhaps I'd just blog about it. Fitting.
School has started for the older two and seems to be going well over all. Back into the swing of things gradually. Next week we get to jump in full force with preschool and after school activities. I wish I could say I was greatful but honestly I wish we had just one more month of summer. I rather go hang out at the pool. Don't tell my 9 year old.
In other news, my Grandma is not doing well. A week ago she had a stroke and the tumer moved/grew/advanced/ whatever preventing her from being able to eat/drink/absorb food. The doctor gave her a week at most. Day 9 here. So, medicine really is not so much an exact science is it? Its just hard for everyone. Hard for her to deal with the end, with all the joys of life taken away. Hard for everyone else to watch helplessly and feeling guilty thinking/planning/not talking about whats next.
So whats a person to do? Well, spend two days going through kids' clothes. I have NO bags of unorganized clothes anywhere in this house. Done with that task I moved on to windows today and other random cleaning type chores. Guess thats one way of dealing.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Less Ranting
Boy that was a rant.
Summer apparently also means having random thoughts that are constantly interupted (house full of kids my 4+ random other ones) until they explode out of your brain. (see previous post) Summer also means going more places, seeing more people and having more comments thrown your way out of the blue. Winter people and places are used to the way we look. Summer people and places, not so much. Winter routine lulls me in complacency. Summer jerks me back out of it. Oh yeah, thats right...we're "different. Summer is also exhausting and keeping your "cool" just that much harder. But I'll work on it.
So in contrast to my rant. This weekend we went camping (again) AND the campsite next to us was very close. The man of the site next to us said in parting, you have a beautiful family. I'll take that. :)
Summer apparently also means having random thoughts that are constantly interupted (house full of kids my 4+ random other ones) until they explode out of your brain. (see previous post) Summer also means going more places, seeing more people and having more comments thrown your way out of the blue. Winter people and places are used to the way we look. Summer people and places, not so much. Winter routine lulls me in complacency. Summer jerks me back out of it. Oh yeah, thats right...we're "different. Summer is also exhausting and keeping your "cool" just that much harder. But I'll work on it.
So in contrast to my rant. This weekend we went camping (again) AND the campsite next to us was very close. The man of the site next to us said in parting, you have a beautiful family. I'll take that. :)
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Adoption bugs
I am Mom to 4 kiddos who are completely mine, through adoption. Something that has been around since the dawn of time practicly, but is still it is not really understood by people who are not directly affected by it. (even though it is amazing how connected people can try to make themselves to it when they want to be...but that is for another post)
I have experience on 2 of the three traditional sides of adoption. Its a bit unique. But my post today is on bugs from the perspective of an adoptive parent.
My oldest is neary the ripe old age of 10. 10 people. It is absolutely shocking to me the things people will ask in FRONT of him. Things like, "are they brothers and sisters" I of course answer yes!!! And STILL people persist with the, 'you know what I mean". It stuns me. My children are beautiful and unique. They do not look like each other. Not even a little bit. How can people be so dumb???? Do they even stop to think about how asking questions like that in front of a not yet 10 year old will do to his understanding? We do talk about it for the record.
The other thing that has happened or has been said to me this summer is in reference to the kids' birth families. "its probably best they don't have contact" "do you have to send updates" "do the kids ask" I have ZERO problems talking about adoption. At an appropriate time and place. Play groups, not so much the place to delve into such things so much. And for the record, I have the utmost respect for my kids' other parents.
My last gripe(for today anyway) is this one. My kids are my kids. Not my adopted kids. Please do not introduce them as such. Adoption is how we came to be a family. Its something that happened. It doesn't keep happenig.
There I feel better.
I have experience on 2 of the three traditional sides of adoption. Its a bit unique. But my post today is on bugs from the perspective of an adoptive parent.
My oldest is neary the ripe old age of 10. 10 people. It is absolutely shocking to me the things people will ask in FRONT of him. Things like, "are they brothers and sisters" I of course answer yes!!! And STILL people persist with the, 'you know what I mean". It stuns me. My children are beautiful and unique. They do not look like each other. Not even a little bit. How can people be so dumb???? Do they even stop to think about how asking questions like that in front of a not yet 10 year old will do to his understanding? We do talk about it for the record.
The other thing that has happened or has been said to me this summer is in reference to the kids' birth families. "its probably best they don't have contact" "do you have to send updates" "do the kids ask" I have ZERO problems talking about adoption. At an appropriate time and place. Play groups, not so much the place to delve into such things so much. And for the record, I have the utmost respect for my kids' other parents.
My last gripe(for today anyway) is this one. My kids are my kids. Not my adopted kids. Please do not introduce them as such. Adoption is how we came to be a family. Its something that happened. It doesn't keep happenig.
There I feel better.
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