Summer officially begins today at 3:06. It does not matter if it is STILL only 63 out and that is the high so far for the week. It does not matter that the calendar says summer doesn't officially start for several weeks yet. It does not matter that I haven't finished all of my spring projects. Because.....
SCHOOL IS OUT!!!!!!!!!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
J's journey to us
I was 27 when I sat down in the garage one day as he was cleaning his bench and simply implored my husband of 4 years to PLEASE start thinking about adoption. For the record, adoption was the plan from the very beginning as to how we would have a family. We knew of our infertility long before "I do". Enough said. After a long talk (again) he agreed to begin researching. The man is an engineer and the scientist brain must research. Its what it does. I was elated! Movement at last.
I hit pay dirt a few months later when I found a local agency that was offering a 6 week (once a week) class exploring the basics. This was EXACTLY what the man needed. As it turns out, I did too. I had no idea how much I didn't know. I was ready to jump in with both feet because I wanted to be a Mom. In my defense I wasn't completely clueless on the subject. I had some experience from a birthfamily perspective. I don't care to get into that here, even though it hit very close to me, I myself am NOT a birthparent. Anyway.
We were both impressed with the caseworker who did much of the class from this agency. Rebecca was very professional and respectful of all sides. Even with all the work we did with her I did not ever get a clear vision of her personal feelings on adoption. She conducted herself as a tool to be used as the client (be it us or the birth families) needed. The closest she ever got was one time asking us if we were praying, I said yes and she said good, it helps! Because of her we went ahead and started working with this agency (we generally just liked the atmosphere....clear answers, no promises and professional and counseling...it was a family services organization which included parenting classes so we never got the feeling they were pressuring anyone but I admit at the time we didn't ask)
We completed the classes and homestudy in late spring. The agencies in the state we were living in had perspective parent create albums to introduce themselves. Creating this album introduced me to the world of scrapbooking. I do feel bad that my first attempt at it was this poor album. It was very amaturish but cute in its own way too. I'll never forget the staged pictures of DH and I "reading" to show things that we valued. LOL. Anyway. We recieved a letter dated July 13, 1998 stating that our homestudy was officially approved my the agencies board and we were officially waiting. Our CW said that she guessitmated our wait to be 6-12 months at least. In our minds we put it off and decided that after Christmas we would start getting ready. And really, gave it very little thought really. DH sister had had a baby that spring, my sister that summer and DH other sister had twins in September. Our families were very busy celebrating their arrivals. We knew we would join that trend in time. We were both busy with jobs and friends.
Zoom forward to October 13, 1998. 3 months to the date of that letter. I'm correcting papers and doing laundry. DH is on the phone. He had been for awhile and mostly quiet....when I walked by I mouthed "who are you talking to" and he mouthed "Rebecca". Our good friend was named Rebecca and I assumed it was her....continued on my way to switch the laundry. With my head in the washing machine it started to dawn on me that the things he WAS saying weren't making sense if he was talking to friend Rebecca....so could it be??? I beat it back to him and read the notes he was making and about freaked. He stopped the phone call then to fill me in. A boy had been born that morning and we had been choosen! His other parents wanted to meet us the next morning at 10AM. You could have literally knocked me over with a feather I promise you. It very seriously wasn't on my mind much. When we were in the homestudy process I had tried to go an shop for a few baby things and I really felt like a fraud. I was expecting....sorta. But I wasn't. And the most I could ever bring myself to buy was some baby magic bath soap and one blanket. I had given myself permission in a way to put it off and not deal with those emotions until January. So much for that!
The rest of the evening my mind was all over the place! I had to call in for a sub...make lesson plans....and the name debate began. Can you believe that we really hadn't talked about names at all? Looking back now the other thing that strikes me is that our brains never went to baby supplies either that night. I'm serious when I say we had a blanket and some bath soap. That was IT! The rest of the night was such a blur. Precious little sleep was had. I remember playing solitaire on the computer in an attempt to numb my brain enough to sleep. (it didn't work LOL)
The next morning we met both of baby boys other parents and bmom's parents. It was a good meeting. His bmom was chatty and we talked all over the place touching a bit on why they choose us and quite a bit about what kind of relationship they wanted to have after. Then we went into the hall while the CW stayed with them so they could make a final choice. Then the CW came out to us and talked with us so we could make a final choice. It was unamious and we were officially choosen to be his parents. We told them the name we had choosen. They did NOT want to name him, but by pure coicidence, the middle name we choose, a family name for us was the same as bmom's Dad's name! They liked what we choose. Its hard to explain that kind of pressure. They were adament that we choose, but I was so very much wanted their approval of it too.
Then we got to go and meet our little boy. First impression: He was sooooooo tiny!! Oh my goodness. He was less then 6 pounds and I swear he had 0 baby chub. He was the most cutest adorble this bald baby out there no doubt. I remember picking him up not wanting to ever put him down. Sharing with DH was difficult. And distracting. While he was holding him I was more intuned too the catty comments his primairly nurse made. She was not nice let just say...and the only one who seemed to be adamently against this adoption taking place. What I STILL want to know is, who asked her? I was so annoyed with her by the end of the afternoon there was really no way I could imagine leaving him to her care. However, there was a kinder nurse that came and asked us some chatty questions and brought up the question of a car seat. FINALLY it dawned on us that we didn't have that or anything else to take care of a baby!! We had to leave and get some shopping in. Later we were to find out that our leaving gave BGma some time that she wanted to have to hold and cuddle him, so it was good we left. When we returned to the hospital, we were told that the birthfamily wanted to see us. Bmom planned on being discharged, but before she left she and the rest of the family had gifts for us! Well, for baby. It was so incredibly sweet. Words are just inadequate.
Afterwards we went to hold baby. His nurse was in fine form. Making all kinds of snippy comments about how this was NOT going to happen. I have no idea why, other then being annoyed with her that I wasn't concerned that things wouldn't continue to happen the way his other family planned. Neither DH or I were though. Needless to say we were not being invited to stay at the hospital either, rather encouraged to go home and rest. As if. Fortunately the shift change resulted in a male nurse sent from nurse heaven who imediately put me at ease and we left him in peace. You can bet we were back the next morning by shift change!
That night was spent making more lesson plans and taking care of school things. That next morning after a slightly more restful nights sleep (slight) I was up early to get to school to set things up for the sub and then we were off to the hospital. We spent the morning holding him and caring for him. We found out his Bmom would be stopping by with bfather that AM to see him before going to court. She did not and would not hold him. Bfather did hold him and had some very sweet moments. I did remember during all this being on that side of the table and tried to give them as much time alone as they wanted....but honestly they wanted us to be with him and bond with him as much as possible.
Our caseworker later shared with us that the judge was rather severe with both of them. Really grilling them about what they were doing and what this meant. The caseworker had talked with each of them quite a bit together and separately too. While I am sorry and was more sorry at the time that had to go through all this, now I'm glad that they did. I'm glad that things were explained to them from multiple sources. I'm glad that their parens supported their decision while from our viewpoint it didn't seem that they were trying to sway them one way or the other.
J's bmom was adopted into her family too incidently. So I could only imagine all the thoughts and feelings going through her head during this time. I'm glad that she had at least some of the time she needed to spend with J. Bfathers parenst were not emotionally able to participate in the hospital "stuff". I understand that too. They sent a special family keepsake however. These are some great parents I tell you. Over the years I continue to be impressed at their unfailing support of their children.
We were able to bring home our beautiful boy that evening. After shift change (thankfully) the night nurses were very happy to send us on our way, helping to ensure we had that new car seat figured out and wouldn't have need of diapers, wipes, pacifiers or food for the next 2 days! They were great.
We have some contact with each other. The adoption has opened more as bio family is comfortable with. Addresses have been exchanged. We had one vist. We live more then 1000k miles from each other so it isn't easy to do. But it might happen again. J is definately old enough now to have an opinion on the matter so should we head that way to visit, it will be up to him.
I have to say I am very glad I typed this out. There were a few details I was squishing about in my head and writing it out helped me sort it out. And having the big picture out there brought back some other little details and memories that I am confident will stay safe now in my head. The written story will trigger them.
I have told this as much as I can from my point of view only. Because this is the story as it effected me. I'm sure Dh's take is some different. As is J's birthfamily. Thats OK. The most important thing IMO that I think has run through this adoption from the start is respect. I will strive to continue that.
I hit pay dirt a few months later when I found a local agency that was offering a 6 week (once a week) class exploring the basics. This was EXACTLY what the man needed. As it turns out, I did too. I had no idea how much I didn't know. I was ready to jump in with both feet because I wanted to be a Mom. In my defense I wasn't completely clueless on the subject. I had some experience from a birthfamily perspective. I don't care to get into that here, even though it hit very close to me, I myself am NOT a birthparent. Anyway.
We were both impressed with the caseworker who did much of the class from this agency. Rebecca was very professional and respectful of all sides. Even with all the work we did with her I did not ever get a clear vision of her personal feelings on adoption. She conducted herself as a tool to be used as the client (be it us or the birth families) needed. The closest she ever got was one time asking us if we were praying, I said yes and she said good, it helps! Because of her we went ahead and started working with this agency (we generally just liked the atmosphere....clear answers, no promises and professional and counseling...it was a family services organization which included parenting classes so we never got the feeling they were pressuring anyone but I admit at the time we didn't ask)
We completed the classes and homestudy in late spring. The agencies in the state we were living in had perspective parent create albums to introduce themselves. Creating this album introduced me to the world of scrapbooking. I do feel bad that my first attempt at it was this poor album. It was very amaturish but cute in its own way too. I'll never forget the staged pictures of DH and I "reading" to show things that we valued. LOL. Anyway. We recieved a letter dated July 13, 1998 stating that our homestudy was officially approved my the agencies board and we were officially waiting. Our CW said that she guessitmated our wait to be 6-12 months at least. In our minds we put it off and decided that after Christmas we would start getting ready. And really, gave it very little thought really. DH sister had had a baby that spring, my sister that summer and DH other sister had twins in September. Our families were very busy celebrating their arrivals. We knew we would join that trend in time. We were both busy with jobs and friends.
Zoom forward to October 13, 1998. 3 months to the date of that letter. I'm correcting papers and doing laundry. DH is on the phone. He had been for awhile and mostly quiet....when I walked by I mouthed "who are you talking to" and he mouthed "Rebecca". Our good friend was named Rebecca and I assumed it was her....continued on my way to switch the laundry. With my head in the washing machine it started to dawn on me that the things he WAS saying weren't making sense if he was talking to friend Rebecca....so could it be??? I beat it back to him and read the notes he was making and about freaked. He stopped the phone call then to fill me in. A boy had been born that morning and we had been choosen! His other parents wanted to meet us the next morning at 10AM. You could have literally knocked me over with a feather I promise you. It very seriously wasn't on my mind much. When we were in the homestudy process I had tried to go an shop for a few baby things and I really felt like a fraud. I was expecting....sorta. But I wasn't. And the most I could ever bring myself to buy was some baby magic bath soap and one blanket. I had given myself permission in a way to put it off and not deal with those emotions until January. So much for that!
The rest of the evening my mind was all over the place! I had to call in for a sub...make lesson plans....and the name debate began. Can you believe that we really hadn't talked about names at all? Looking back now the other thing that strikes me is that our brains never went to baby supplies either that night. I'm serious when I say we had a blanket and some bath soap. That was IT! The rest of the night was such a blur. Precious little sleep was had. I remember playing solitaire on the computer in an attempt to numb my brain enough to sleep. (it didn't work LOL)
The next morning we met both of baby boys other parents and bmom's parents. It was a good meeting. His bmom was chatty and we talked all over the place touching a bit on why they choose us and quite a bit about what kind of relationship they wanted to have after. Then we went into the hall while the CW stayed with them so they could make a final choice. Then the CW came out to us and talked with us so we could make a final choice. It was unamious and we were officially choosen to be his parents. We told them the name we had choosen. They did NOT want to name him, but by pure coicidence, the middle name we choose, a family name for us was the same as bmom's Dad's name! They liked what we choose. Its hard to explain that kind of pressure. They were adament that we choose, but I was so very much wanted their approval of it too.
Then we got to go and meet our little boy. First impression: He was sooooooo tiny!! Oh my goodness. He was less then 6 pounds and I swear he had 0 baby chub. He was the most cutest adorble this bald baby out there no doubt. I remember picking him up not wanting to ever put him down. Sharing with DH was difficult. And distracting. While he was holding him I was more intuned too the catty comments his primairly nurse made. She was not nice let just say...and the only one who seemed to be adamently against this adoption taking place. What I STILL want to know is, who asked her? I was so annoyed with her by the end of the afternoon there was really no way I could imagine leaving him to her care. However, there was a kinder nurse that came and asked us some chatty questions and brought up the question of a car seat. FINALLY it dawned on us that we didn't have that or anything else to take care of a baby!! We had to leave and get some shopping in. Later we were to find out that our leaving gave BGma some time that she wanted to have to hold and cuddle him, so it was good we left. When we returned to the hospital, we were told that the birthfamily wanted to see us. Bmom planned on being discharged, but before she left she and the rest of the family had gifts for us! Well, for baby. It was so incredibly sweet. Words are just inadequate.
Afterwards we went to hold baby. His nurse was in fine form. Making all kinds of snippy comments about how this was NOT going to happen. I have no idea why, other then being annoyed with her that I wasn't concerned that things wouldn't continue to happen the way his other family planned. Neither DH or I were though. Needless to say we were not being invited to stay at the hospital either, rather encouraged to go home and rest. As if. Fortunately the shift change resulted in a male nurse sent from nurse heaven who imediately put me at ease and we left him in peace. You can bet we were back the next morning by shift change!
That night was spent making more lesson plans and taking care of school things. That next morning after a slightly more restful nights sleep (slight) I was up early to get to school to set things up for the sub and then we were off to the hospital. We spent the morning holding him and caring for him. We found out his Bmom would be stopping by with bfather that AM to see him before going to court. She did not and would not hold him. Bfather did hold him and had some very sweet moments. I did remember during all this being on that side of the table and tried to give them as much time alone as they wanted....but honestly they wanted us to be with him and bond with him as much as possible.
Our caseworker later shared with us that the judge was rather severe with both of them. Really grilling them about what they were doing and what this meant. The caseworker had talked with each of them quite a bit together and separately too. While I am sorry and was more sorry at the time that had to go through all this, now I'm glad that they did. I'm glad that things were explained to them from multiple sources. I'm glad that their parens supported their decision while from our viewpoint it didn't seem that they were trying to sway them one way or the other.
J's bmom was adopted into her family too incidently. So I could only imagine all the thoughts and feelings going through her head during this time. I'm glad that she had at least some of the time she needed to spend with J. Bfathers parenst were not emotionally able to participate in the hospital "stuff". I understand that too. They sent a special family keepsake however. These are some great parents I tell you. Over the years I continue to be impressed at their unfailing support of their children.
We were able to bring home our beautiful boy that evening. After shift change (thankfully) the night nurses were very happy to send us on our way, helping to ensure we had that new car seat figured out and wouldn't have need of diapers, wipes, pacifiers or food for the next 2 days! They were great.
We have some contact with each other. The adoption has opened more as bio family is comfortable with. Addresses have been exchanged. We had one vist. We live more then 1000k miles from each other so it isn't easy to do. But it might happen again. J is definately old enough now to have an opinion on the matter so should we head that way to visit, it will be up to him.
I have to say I am very glad I typed this out. There were a few details I was squishing about in my head and writing it out helped me sort it out. And having the big picture out there brought back some other little details and memories that I am confident will stay safe now in my head. The written story will trigger them.
I have told this as much as I can from my point of view only. Because this is the story as it effected me. I'm sure Dh's take is some different. As is J's birthfamily. Thats OK. The most important thing IMO that I think has run through this adoption from the start is respect. I will strive to continue that.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
blogging
I don't think I'm a very good blogger! I think things in my brain....but when I tried to get things out on it....someting always seems missing. At least when I try to think about bigger issues. Perhaps I need to practice more?
LOL.
Anyway, for anyone who is paying any attention...especially to adoption...please know that what I have put her so far is only the tip of what I think. Some conclusions of a long lists of thoughts. I have lots and lots of thoughts, and really not all that many conclusions.
I'm going to go on a bit with adoption mostly because as for thoughts....adoption thoughts are ones I really really want to get right. Adoption has a huge place in my heart.
On another blog I read regularly the blogger was defending (a bit) her right to share as much of her childrens stories as she does. I agreed with everything she had written. The post really did make me think about my own kids's stories....which for the most part I've kept quiet about. I think. I haven't kept quiet about them necessairly on purpose really. Somewhere along the line "people" said that their stories were private and thiers to tell. And I went along with that. BUT is it? Is it just "their stories". The blogger I mentioned said that her kids' stories are interwoven with hers now. And also questioned the difference between telling her kids' birth stories and a bio kids' stories . I agree. My kids' stories are definately woven into the fabric of my life. Into the story of my life. And I don't want them to think that any part of their life is so secret that they can't share it. That there is something wrong with telling it. Far from the truth.
I have noticed that when I bring it up, extended family tends to get 'quiet" about it. They might ask a few quesitons...all polite. But I think they would really rather not think about the rest of my kids' families. They love them and probably can't help feeling a bit threatened by "others". Why I'm bringing this up now, is perhaps its my fault. Perhaps I don't talk enough about it to make it "normal" But how do you find that balance. That balance of talking about it enough that its another kind of normal...not something taboo....but not so much that you start to appear obsessed and abnormal about trying to be normal! Does that make sense?
Anyway. I've always meant to sit and write my kids' stories out. Perhaps I will do that here. Soon. I think.
LOL.
Anyway, for anyone who is paying any attention...especially to adoption...please know that what I have put her so far is only the tip of what I think. Some conclusions of a long lists of thoughts. I have lots and lots of thoughts, and really not all that many conclusions.
I'm going to go on a bit with adoption mostly because as for thoughts....adoption thoughts are ones I really really want to get right. Adoption has a huge place in my heart.
On another blog I read regularly the blogger was defending (a bit) her right to share as much of her childrens stories as she does. I agreed with everything she had written. The post really did make me think about my own kids's stories....which for the most part I've kept quiet about. I think. I haven't kept quiet about them necessairly on purpose really. Somewhere along the line "people" said that their stories were private and thiers to tell. And I went along with that. BUT is it? Is it just "their stories". The blogger I mentioned said that her kids' stories are interwoven with hers now. And also questioned the difference between telling her kids' birth stories and a bio kids' stories . I agree. My kids' stories are definately woven into the fabric of my life. Into the story of my life. And I don't want them to think that any part of their life is so secret that they can't share it. That there is something wrong with telling it. Far from the truth.
I have noticed that when I bring it up, extended family tends to get 'quiet" about it. They might ask a few quesitons...all polite. But I think they would really rather not think about the rest of my kids' families. They love them and probably can't help feeling a bit threatened by "others". Why I'm bringing this up now, is perhaps its my fault. Perhaps I don't talk enough about it to make it "normal" But how do you find that balance. That balance of talking about it enough that its another kind of normal...not something taboo....but not so much that you start to appear obsessed and abnormal about trying to be normal! Does that make sense?
Anyway. I've always meant to sit and write my kids' stories out. Perhaps I will do that here. Soon. I think.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Family
I was thinking today that I have said precious little about adoption on this here blog. So that got me thinking even more. Just what DOES adoption mean to me. In a nutshell so to speak.
To me, adoption means extending my family intentionally. It means deciding to have a life long connection to other people. It does not mean that we always like each other or agree with each other. It does mean we are and will be forever connected.
Deep friendships can be similar...but in friendships the person can always walk away. End the relationship. In families, you can't. You can not talk or associate with each other for years and years, but you are still and always will be connected.
And when I mean extending the family I mean all of us. The kids other parents and their families. All of us.
Thats a big part of what adoption means to me. I am speaking not only as an adoptive parent, but as a birth relative. I have relatives fairly close to me genetically speaking that I've never met or have been placed. But I'm connected to them. And to their families. I always will be.
That is the shortest answer I've got for what adoption means to me.
To me, adoption means extending my family intentionally. It means deciding to have a life long connection to other people. It does not mean that we always like each other or agree with each other. It does mean we are and will be forever connected.
Deep friendships can be similar...but in friendships the person can always walk away. End the relationship. In families, you can't. You can not talk or associate with each other for years and years, but you are still and always will be connected.
And when I mean extending the family I mean all of us. The kids other parents and their families. All of us.
Thats a big part of what adoption means to me. I am speaking not only as an adoptive parent, but as a birth relative. I have relatives fairly close to me genetically speaking that I've never met or have been placed. But I'm connected to them. And to their families. I always will be.
That is the shortest answer I've got for what adoption means to me.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Keep Dreaming
Just 10 years ago I was "celebrating" another Mother's Day as "not a Mother". Not in the club. Its hard. It sucks. It hurts. It well....it just....well if you are in any kind of wait mode here....I don't need to tell you.
Keep dreaming. Don't let go. Hold on to it. There are lots of kiddos out there in our world that need Momma's. They do. And if you are working to concieve a babe, then best of luck to you too.
The path to parenthood is often not what we dreamed it would be. I personally think it is extremely good training for the eventualities OF parenthood. A truely undescribable adventure.
So, keep searching for your path. Keep dreaming.
Keep dreaming. Don't let go. Hold on to it. There are lots of kiddos out there in our world that need Momma's. They do. And if you are working to concieve a babe, then best of luck to you too.
The path to parenthood is often not what we dreamed it would be. I personally think it is extremely good training for the eventualities OF parenthood. A truely undescribable adventure.
So, keep searching for your path. Keep dreaming.
Happy Belated Mother's Day!!!
Do not be offended.....I didn't get my own mother greeted until a day late as it is.
I was not avoiding it at all. It is what it is. It didn't dawn on me until I read other blogs in the world of adoption that I should avoid or have any issue with Mothers Day. I think that is a testament partly to business and cutting out anything that isn't absolutely essential to raising my kids in this busy world. But it was brought to my attention yesterday while reading and I thought for the record I should jot down a few thoughts.
So, for whats it worth, I really no longer understand WHY any adoptive Mother out there should possibly feel the slightest bit guilty about celebrating Mother's Day (unless perhaps you knowingly participated in an unethical adoption....then, well, there should be a whole 'nother post about that I suppose). My childrens parent choose ME to be there parents. THEY choose me. And thats what I am. Their children are my children and I am there Mother. There is much to celebrate and honor. There is. Being a parent is HARD work! Sure there are reward and all of that which is the only reason to do that job, but lets be frank here, its simply A LOT of work. It takes everything you have in you and then some. I have been changing diapers for more then 8 years for example. Thats a lot of diapers. A little, "Your the bestest Mom in the whole world" might just be in order for that job alone ;0
My point here is that honoring me as my kids' Mom does not have to take anything away from the other parents here. We have and always will have different roles in this dance of life. Feeling guilty will never serve anyone any good. So rejoice and celebrate the roles we have got to have in our childrens life. We are blessed innumerably to participate in their lives no matter how much or how little the time. And who knows what the future holds. The past is the past. The choices were made. Had my kids' parents not choosen me, I feel quite sure they would have chose others. Spending time feeling guilty that they didn't choose to parent will not change what is. So do what you can do, find a way to celebrate what is. Life is short.
So yeah, I celebrated with my kids. I LOVED the letter that I got from my seven year old. I love the potholder my 9 year old son made and dug out of his backpack for me today (yes, 2 days late, ironically so like his Dad in so many ways lol) And I didn't feel guilty or sad. I hope their other parents chose to have a good day too. But if they did not or could not I get that too. I do. I hope they understand that my not also feeling sad about the day is only because in my mind it will do little good. The kiddos don't want me to be sad. They want their efforts to be appreciated and not falsely. They deserve that from me I feel. I can't change what is anymore then anyone can.
Peace is what I wish for my kids' other parents. I wish that for them always. On Mother's Day. On Father's Day. On all the days.
I was not avoiding it at all. It is what it is. It didn't dawn on me until I read other blogs in the world of adoption that I should avoid or have any issue with Mothers Day. I think that is a testament partly to business and cutting out anything that isn't absolutely essential to raising my kids in this busy world. But it was brought to my attention yesterday while reading and I thought for the record I should jot down a few thoughts.
So, for whats it worth, I really no longer understand WHY any adoptive Mother out there should possibly feel the slightest bit guilty about celebrating Mother's Day (unless perhaps you knowingly participated in an unethical adoption....then, well, there should be a whole 'nother post about that I suppose). My childrens parent choose ME to be there parents. THEY choose me. And thats what I am. Their children are my children and I am there Mother. There is much to celebrate and honor. There is. Being a parent is HARD work! Sure there are reward and all of that which is the only reason to do that job, but lets be frank here, its simply A LOT of work. It takes everything you have in you and then some. I have been changing diapers for more then 8 years for example. Thats a lot of diapers. A little, "Your the bestest Mom in the whole world" might just be in order for that job alone ;0
My point here is that honoring me as my kids' Mom does not have to take anything away from the other parents here. We have and always will have different roles in this dance of life. Feeling guilty will never serve anyone any good. So rejoice and celebrate the roles we have got to have in our childrens life. We are blessed innumerably to participate in their lives no matter how much or how little the time. And who knows what the future holds. The past is the past. The choices were made. Had my kids' parents not choosen me, I feel quite sure they would have chose others. Spending time feeling guilty that they didn't choose to parent will not change what is. So do what you can do, find a way to celebrate what is. Life is short.
So yeah, I celebrated with my kids. I LOVED the letter that I got from my seven year old. I love the potholder my 9 year old son made and dug out of his backpack for me today (yes, 2 days late, ironically so like his Dad in so many ways lol) And I didn't feel guilty or sad. I hope their other parents chose to have a good day too. But if they did not or could not I get that too. I do. I hope they understand that my not also feeling sad about the day is only because in my mind it will do little good. The kiddos don't want me to be sad. They want their efforts to be appreciated and not falsely. They deserve that from me I feel. I can't change what is anymore then anyone can.
Peace is what I wish for my kids' other parents. I wish that for them always. On Mother's Day. On Father's Day. On all the days.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
It was fun!
I wasn't too sure at first as we were in double melt down status half hour into the trip....I was thinking on calling DH and saying like "HELP!!!" and "COME AND GET ME" . But they settled down and were for the most part pretty good.
The zoo was OK. The polar bears are getting a much needed new home...meanwhile they are living in Detroit. And it is still to cold out at night for the sea lions to be outside in there super cool swiming spot and also too cold for the Giraffes to be in their out door spot. I have to say their indoor spot was rather small and made me sad to think they spend all winter in there. :(
But the humans had a good time! S chattered all through the zoo...and G had huge eyes just staring! A lot for her 17 mo old brain to take in.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
We're going to the Zoo!
Cause there just aren't enough things to do this week..... ;) I signed the little girls and myself (they wouldn't take them without me go figure) to take a coach bus to a zoo about 2 hours from here. I have a zillion million things to do this week, but instead, we're going to the zoo. And I think it will be fun. Right?
I'll let you know how it goes!
I'll let you know how it goes!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Cancer
My Mom called today crying. Never a good sign.
My Grandma, who celebrated her 86th birthday found out the day before that she has pancreatic cancer. I did a little research today. Thats basically a death sentence. She'll be lucky to make it through the summer and from what I've read today, I am starting to hope she doesn't as this all sounds very painful.
She has lived the life she wanted. She is still living in the house that my Grandfather hated and that she loved alone. No retirement villas for this lady!
Still, death is never easy is it. And so we as a family, who really have begun to lose contact with each other begin the process of saying goodbye.
Any tips?
My Grandma, who celebrated her 86th birthday found out the day before that she has pancreatic cancer. I did a little research today. Thats basically a death sentence. She'll be lucky to make it through the summer and from what I've read today, I am starting to hope she doesn't as this all sounds very painful.
She has lived the life she wanted. She is still living in the house that my Grandfather hated and that she loved alone. No retirement villas for this lady!
Still, death is never easy is it. And so we as a family, who really have begun to lose contact with each other begin the process of saying goodbye.
Any tips?
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