How's the for an attention grabber?
My 86 year old Grandmother has recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. This particular cancer is almost always a death sentence and at her age and state of health, it is for sure. The doctor gives her up to a year at most because as yet the cancer hasn't moved. Somehow my Grandmother got it in her head that she has 2-3 years left. Go ahead and just TRY to tell her differently. I'm of a mind to think, hey! maybe she knows something we don't. Anyway.
What we have lately is the flurry of "activity" that seems to occur when you hear someone is going to die. Lots of advice. Lots of visiting. Lots of you should really do's. I am finding all of this really annoying. Really. Where the heck have the advice givers BEEN the last 20 years??? Cheez.
My Grandmother is many things, like most of us are. One trait of hers that has probably impacted me the most was her stubborness. Lets start at the beginning. I was NOT the Grandchild she invisioned. I had colic. I had reflux. I did NOT want her to hold me. So, it wasn't love at first sight. BUT this woman was determined to love me. Her given nature is to love more easily "needy" types. I never filled the bill. But I also never for one minute thought she didn't love me.
Her memory hasn't been the best lets just say over the last 10 years. This is where you start to be able to sort out the ambulance chasers and the ones who have been with her consistently as ever. To know her is to know that she usually mixes up the facts and holds to her version with the stubborness of a mother bear. Those in the consistant box take every thing she says with a grain of salt. Those who aren't so consistant, but have come out of the woodwork since the diagnoses don't. Because of this, one of the ambulance chasers sent out an email last week that was, well, weak in the facts mam! I had to respond to it mostly cause it had mis information in it about my own Mother. (my Mother would just suck it up and let it go) Because I have a big mouth, I couldn't let this one go. I apologize for getting of track here
My point is. WHY does this have to happen??? My Grandmother is 86. She has been given a fatal diagnoses. Shouldn't she be allowed to think she has 2-3 years left? Shouldn't she get to decide what she wants to do with the time she has left? WHY should she be encouraged to go through her things if she doesn't want to? Does it matter if she skips a doctors appt? Does it matter if she eats jello and grapes for dinner? If she doesn't get to do what she wants to with the time she has left now, when will she?
I hope it doesn't sound terrible here, but I've read enough about this disease to hope that she keeps going hard and long so much so she drops right in her tracks, right on her way to heaven. She's been stubborn about that too. I can imagine that she and God have had more then one row in her lifetime. But, once she decides something it really does take an act of God to get it undecided. She loves God, and has done her best always to be his child.
Now I just wish the "you should be doing's....." would let the woman seriuosly die in peace.
I love you Grandma.
My oldest daughter turned 8 yesterday. We had a family day of fun at her request choosen over a party with friends. Its great to know we still "rate". It really was a great day and one to store in the mind memory. These 8 years have gone fast, cliche as it sounds. At the same time I can't hardly remember what it was like not to have her in our lives. H came to us quickly, born on a Friday, we were choosen Monday, she came home Tuesday. Over that weekend and before we knew about her at all we decided to take a new job and move across the country. It was such a crazy nutty time. She was exactly what I didn't know I needed during that time of preparing to sell a house, selling it, moving, building a new house, living in a basement. Such a crazy time. My soul needed every one of her snuggles and cuddles she so profusely offered. I needed to have that break that a newborn demands to keep my sanity. I called her the light of my day and night.