MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

As Moms, frustration just comes with the territory sometimes. Regardless, life and time marches on and here we are! The kids have no idea of what I didn't get to and don't seem to care a whit!

We are having a great time together...right now I am jotting this quick note while my DD is trying out my massage chair (THANK YOU DH!!) DH and J are working on building a rocket, S is playing her new game and G is walking around with the (clean) garbage can on her head saying "HO HO HO" (she's crazy like that) Not much could be better!!

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus! Thank you over and over for all the gifts you give us every day!

Hey there

Are you aware the Christmas is in 3 days!! I'm not kidding even a little bit.

Feeling a bit frustrated I am. SO many little things I want to attend to today but it would seem that it is these things that have gotten me into just a bit of trouble. I am 4.5 weeks past surgery which apparently is to soon to "hit it hard". I paid the price yesterday and am still not so great yet today.

I'm also feeling....

Frustrated because I have sugar cookie dough and don't think that I can actually roll it out and cut it out with the kids.

Frustrated that it is -16 AGAIN and my kids home for school break must actually stay in the house with me another day.

Frustrated that it is hard to find Christmas spirit when these same kids want to beat on each other because they have been trapped inside for days and days and are definately losing their minds. And taking mine with them.

Frustrated that hubby is soooooo busy that he hears about every 12th word I say.

Frustrated that my house is trashed AGAIN. (blaming those crazy housebound kids again)

Frustrated that I have so much to do, like all moms do this time of the year and I have to very carefully choose just what I can expend energy on.

Frustrated that I'm frustrated in light of all I have to be greatful for.

Kicking myself

Have You....

I've seen this on several friends blog...and it looked fun! Apparently your suppose to tag something like 10 people....and I'm just not going to. If it looks fun to you then have at it!

PUT THE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN BOLD.

Started your own blog
Slept under the stars
Played in a band
Visited Hawaii
Watched a meteor shower
Given more than you can afford to charity
Been to Disneyland/Disney World
Climbed a mountain
Held a praying mantis
Sang a solo
Bungee jumped
Visited Paris
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Taught yourself an art from scratch
Adopted a child
Had food poisoning
Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
Grown your own vegetables
Seen the Mona Lisa in France
Slept on an overnight train
Had a pillow fight
Hitch hiked
Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
Built a snow fort
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Run a Marathon
Ridden in a gondola in Venice
Seen a total eclipse
Watched a sunrise or sunset
Hit a home run
Been on a cruise
Seen Niagara Falls in person
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
Seen an Amish community
Taught yourself a new language
Had enough money to be truly satisfied
Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
Gone rock climbing/repelling
Seen Michelangelo’s David
Sung karaoke
Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
Visited Africa
Walked on a beach by moonlight
Been transported in an ambulance
Had your portrait painted/sketched
Gone deep sea fishing
Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
Kissed in the rain
Played in the mud
Gone to a drive-in theater
Been in a movie
Visited the Great Wall of China
Started a business
Taken a martial arts class
Visited Russia
Served at a soup kitchen
Sold Girl Scout Cookies
Gone whale watching
Got flowers for no reason
Donated blood, platelets or plasma
Gone sky diving
Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
Bounced a check
Flown in a helicopter
Saved a favorite childhood toy
Visited the Lincoln Memorial
Eaten Caviar
Pieced a quilt
Stood in Times Square
Toured the Everglades
Been fired from a job
Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
Broken a bone
Been on a speeding motorcycle
Seen the Grand Canyon in person
Published a book
Visited the Vatican
Bought a brand new car
Walked in Jerusalem
Had your picture in the newspaper
Read the entire Bible
Visited the White House
Killed and prepared an animal for eating (fish count, right?)
Had chickenpox
Saved someone’s life
Sat on a jury
Met someone famous
Joined a book club
Lost a loved one
Had a baby
Seen the Alamo in person
Swam in the Great Salt Lake
Been involved in a law suit(
Owned a cell phone
Been stung by a bee
Read an entire book in one day.
Fallen in Love

Snow Day

We had precious little snow however. Bone numbing cold we've got in spades....snow however, not so much. Enough though that the kids could have been well entertained had the tempeture decided to perhaps peek above 0. This was not the case and so we got to spend day 2 bonding. Or beating on each other, whatever the case may be.

So, I gotta ask....HOW in the world did those pioneer woman SURVIVE????

Conversation with 4 year old

4YO: Mom, turn this song up

Me: Just a second

4YO: You always say that (quite unhappily)

Me: Mom is driving. Do you want me to make sure we are safe first or turn up the music first?

8YO chiming in: I want to be safe

4YO: I'm thinking

Me: Mom is banging her head on a wall

4YO: SHHHH! I'm trying to think!

4 things

OK...was tagged by my friend Patti...

Your suppose to find your 4th picture in the 4th folder of pictures you have on your computer....and post it. Then tag 4 people. Right P?

so here goes it!

this picture was a wall going up in the fort...fun times!

Tagging...

1. Camille
2. Leah
3. Becky
4. Chris

Thoughts on Adoption

When I first started this blog it was my personal intention to write some about adoption from my experience. I haven't been overly sucessful at this. I believe I get to emotionally charged up and my blog ends up being a reciever of my frustration or it just gets skipped because I am unable to compile my thoughts at all.

A good friend of mine I met through adoption pointed me to this post on another blog entitled "Adoption Lingo". I absolutely loved it! not being super computer savy I don't know how to post it as a super cool link (OK, I've tried like 5 times and my link thingy is NOT working...sorry....here is the address)

http://allthingshendrick.blogspot.com/2008/08/lingo.html

What got me about this post, and what I just haven't been able to do is to respond "graciously". I've been asked all sorts of "dumb" questions. Some at very inoportune moments....like: "are they all brothers and sisters?" in the middle of the grocery store with all 4 kids swarming about, and definately listening.

My kids are DEFINATELY not biologically related. You have to be a total moron not to notice. And I'm being kind there, but not very gracious. What I said to this person first was YES! But they actually said, "you know what I mean" (yes this person actually said that WHILE MY KIDS STOOD AROUND) and I said "not biologically no" I WISH I would have stuck to my YES. Still kicking myself for this nearly a year later. STILL.

Anyway, this is a truely awesome post and I thank the writer for allowing me to share it.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!

My baby is 2 today!

What a sweetheart she is. It is hard to put into words just how much I love this little girl. I love every minute with her and at the same time miss my tiny baby girl.

We were blessed to be placed with her approximately 36 hours after her birth. She was under 6 pounds and just as sweet as could be. The next 7 months were bumpy ones with colic and reflux and I was amazed on how much I could love such a noisey pukey thing. At 7monhts it all stopped and another side of this precious girl emerged and continues to emerge.

She is a generally happy little girl, with an adventurous spirit. While I miss that little babe sometimes....I wouldn't miss any second I have with her now either.

Love you sweet heart!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

I came over to shut the computer off for the day and it dawned on me...I DIDN"T BLOG!

I made it....29 days and to blow it on the last day! YIKES!!!

So obviously I didn't have the most stellar end of challeng post planned.

November might not be the best month for this. Perhaps January or March...when things are moving somewhat slower and thoughts have a chance to catch up with themselves.

Regardless I did it. I rambled on every day for a month.

Mission accomplished.

Did I mention I was a bit competitive?

Sick

Seriously.

I am 10 days past surgery and honestly really just starting to have periods of time where I actually feel pretty good.

Then SLAM!

Stomach flu.


I have it as does my 2 year old and my 4 year old. My 8 year old has flown the coup to a friends...perhaps she should move in.

NOW the Christmas season starts

Did you eat enough yesterday???

IMO it is now officially time to pack up those turkeys, pumpkins, fall leaves and bring on the fla la la la! In honor of that I borrowed this from Amy's blog...who borrowed from somewhere else.....so I guess.....if you want to borrow....go ahead!


1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I like gift bags if there are multiple parts of the gift and wrapping paper for the one item type. Not that I'm picky. ;)
2. Real tree or Artificial? I would prefer real, but I don't want to clean up after it or water it every day, so artificial with evergreen candle it is!
3. When do you put up the tree? Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving
4. Do you like eggnog? EWWWW
5. Favorite gift received as a child? a bike!
6. Hardest person to buy for? DH's Mom & Dad
7. Easiest person to buy for? my older kids
8. Do you have a nativity scene? YES
9. Mail or email Christmas cards? I usally mail, I do NOT like email type. Lame.
10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? wool sweater when living in a climate where you simply didn't not need to wear wool...ever.
11. Favorite Christmas Movie? Oh man where do you start????
11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? after Thanksgiving
12. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? no
13. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? pretty much everything....there in lies the problem
14. Lights on the tree? well yeah!
15. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night
16. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? travel but not far
17. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Yuppers!
18. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel
19. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning..
20. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Long Lines and Grid Iron Parking.
21. What theme or color are you using? None in particular
22. Favorite for Christmas dinner? crown roast or steak
23. What do you want for Christmas this year? a massage chair, wheely chair or a cruise. :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!

Last Day

Day 7 of the healing. The doc said 7-10 days of healing before slooowwwly returning to work. Guess he wasn't kidding. I have done my best to just sit and heal as much as possible these last 7 days....because tommorow we go pick up the little girls!!! I can hardly wait! It also means that full time resting and healing comes to a bit of an end. Still planning to take it very slow, no worries.

Can't wait to see those little girls! I need a little armed hug like you can't believe.

So, what is your favorite Thanksgiving dish? That one thing you HAVE to have.

For me its non gibblet stuffing. I just don't make stuffing any other time of the year for whatever reason, so I have to have it. Oh, and apparently mashed potato's too. One year my sister and mom thought cheezy potato would me a fun change.





It wasn't.

Boot straps

Pulling mine up.

I have friends bringing me lunch today! That is very happy!!

My husband has been a champ during all this. (ignoring the vacume in living room that I'm not suppose to move...he DID use it so dwelling on that...eventually it will be put away)

My Mom and Dad too for taking care of my little ones all this time.

Oh....I found this on anothers blog....its interesting

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 3 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Boring

My blog is boring. I'm boring. Healing is boring.

Apparently I'm not 25 anymore....and these things will take time.


I miss my little girls.


My printer was drug to the floor and won't work now.


I'm tired and I didn't do anything much today.

Blah.

There....met challege for today

Getting out

I got to go to the store for half an hour.

It was good to go!

I'm getting a bit restless....while being tired at the same time.

Healing away though.

Hanging out....

Ho hum.

Kind of a slow day healing here. Watched a few lame Christmas movies on the family channel. Talked with the little girls on the phone. S told me thank you very much Mommy for letting me stay at Gma's house. I'm glad she is OK and G apparently is too although I miss them hugely. I'm not going to dwell on it.

You would think I'd have an exciting blog post with all this extra time...

Not so much.

Check up

I went in for a dressing change today and the nurse said things look really great. Really very little if any brusing. Plenty of swelling as to be expected...but she seem'd almost excited at the way things looked....which made me feel good as she has been changing the 2 day after surgery dressing for years.

So, I guess its more doing what I've been doing. I've been pretty good about it so far, but I think I could start getting restless soon.

Mind over matter!

It is done!

Wheh!

It is over!!

It all went as well as it all could. I'm working on recovery now, resting and taking pain meds to keep that in check. Using some frozen veggies too as numb works best. My skin stings in places which is uncomfortable and the numbness is preferred to that.

Hubby just went out to get a movie and some lunch....my appetite is 100% back! All good signs.

7 things

While I'm a bit out of it today having and recovering from surgery.....I'll leave this for you all!

Camille was my tagger!

Seven things to do before I die:
1. Go whale watching
2. Go to Prince Eward Island
3. Visit Africa
4. Take a cruise
5. Take my kids to the ocean and Disney World
6. Go to Europe
7. Take a cross country train ride in a sleeper car


Seven things I cannot do:
1. Yodel
2. Operate
3. operate power tools sucessfully
4. engineer things
5. run long distances
6. touch slimey things
7. hunt

Seven things that attracted me to my spouse:
1. Tall
2. Dark
3. Handsome!
4. he listened
5. he took care of me
6 he was romantic
7. he made me think and go outside my box


7 Things I say most often
1. come on ladybugs!
2. the fairies aren't coming to help
3. I love you
4. stop ___________
5. SoHanGa YOU you know who I mean!
6. put the dog out
7. did you do your chores?

Seven books I love:
1. Anne of Green Gables Series
2. Harry Potter
3. Stephanie numbers series
4. Faye Kellerman series
5. I Love you Forever
6. Llama Llama Red Pajama
7. The Shack

Seven movies I could watch over and over again:
1. Sense & Sensibility
2. Pretty Women
3. Cinderella
4. Beaches
5. Steel Magnolias
6. the one with the Christmas train Tom Hanks is the conductors voice
7. any Charlie Brown holiday special

Seven people I'm tagging:
1. Stephanie
2. Min
3. Robin
4. Chris
5. Mandy
6. Christine
7. Anita

No offense AT all if you don't wanna do it!

countdown

Can you say bundle of nerves?

And everyone of those nerves connects to a muscle that is so tight it brought me to tears this afternoon.

I'm past ready for this to be done.

Its on

Surgery is set for Wednesday. They called this AM, I report at 8:15 and will probably be wheeled in about an hour later.

So....lots to do! Cause I can't just leave it. Laundry, cleaning, bills, notes, and a thousand things I keep forgetting and remembering.

I wish it were next week.

Big Bowl

Hubby and I went out to lunch yesterday before picking up the kids. YUMMO!!! Big Bowl was the name and freshly prepared Chinese, Thai and Curry food was the game. Each bite carried layers of flavors and was so yummy you just wanted to sit and savor each bite. Highly recomend it. And take people with you so you can try multiple things. We tried their freshly squeezed raspberry lemonade and pomagrante ginger ale (also made from scratch) We knew we were in for a treat right then. So good.

And I did it!! Day 16...pass the halfway mark of then write every day on your blog for a month challenge.

This next week might prove to be a tricky but we'll see. I'm having a little surgery this week. So if you get a wacky post on Wednesday, and heck maybe even one Thursday...its the drugs talking. \

I'm getting a little to a lot anxious about it all and last night had myself convinced that the surgery center won't call tommorow to give me my time for Wednesday cause I messed it all up some how.

I'm an only recently admitted control freak and this is all doing a number on me. Where by body is concerned I usually tell it what it is allowed to do....(I'm know, I'm wacked) and when it doesn't obey I ignore it. Or mask it with ibuprofen, my drug of choice. WHICH by the way I've been off of now for more then a month and miss a great deal. This I'm afraid isn't something I will be able to control nor will I be able to ignore. I"m going to have to accept help...which I never want to bother anyone with. People are busy.

Making it harder to think about accepting help is that the surgery, while will improve my quality of life HUGELY, is still sort of elective....so the recovery which will take a few weeks.....is sort of self inflicted. OK, take out the sorta's. I will not die if I don't do this. It is self inflicted choice which then furthers my wacked thinking that I should be able to take care of it myself. But I'm not going to be able too.

AAAACCCKKK!

So, as I've never had any sort of surgery, I can not predict what will happen this week....but I will try hard to "report" as I'm also slightly competitive. And determined to meet this challenge of blogging for 30 days. Because, as I've already said, I'm a bit wacked.

Weekend fun

Getting out of you on Friday was nuts! But worth it 100%. It was so fantastic to just relax and enjoy something for an extended time with out anyone wanting anything from me.

It was also fantastic to have entire conversations with my husband. Multiple conversations. Crazy I know!!

We picked the kids up a little after 1pm today....My SIL rocks....they had a wonderful time with her and her family. Then we took the kids to Madagascar 2. G does OK with movies in theaters if there is music involved. A trip to Kohls resulting in pants for DH and Christmas dress for H and it was time to head home!

We all had fun for sure. It has been great getting out now a few times and doing fun things together just the 6 of us. I think we forgot recently that we can have fun with just us AND still have loads of fun with fantastic friends we are blessed with.

We are very blessed indeed

Friday

Did you sign the petition? Hope so, we just can't go down such a path as a country. Its already bad, lets not make it worse.

I'm having one of those days today. Ever notice that when you try to plan something for yourself that is just key then for things to go nuts. Children tag teaming in the night..conspiring to keep Mom from sleeping. Babies getting into goo. Movies that are scratched. Preschoolers with colds. Phone that will not stop ringing. I need to just ignore that one for the rest of the day. Mess upon mess.

I'm suppose to be "out to dinner theater ready" by 3pm today. Its nearly 1:30 and I'm still trying to get toddler to sleep.

Making that deadline isn't all that positive right now.

Go to sleep little one!!

PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Obama said....

He promised that when elected he would sign the Freedom of Choice Act.

If you haven't already signed the petition telling him that NO you do NOT want this signed please go check out this website and do so. Or just go check out this website if you don't know what the Freedom of Choice Act is all about.

http://www.fightfoca.com/

15 years

The conference I attended was called "Hearts at Home". The organization is 15 years old. The founder, Jill Savage, gave a short talk on Friday night about 15 years and using 15 years as a litmus test of sorts. I found this helpful parenting wise.

For example: My sons hair. IMO the boy DESPARATELY needs a haircut. His Dad disagree (ever so gently...he's like that). J does NOT want his hair cut. DOES NOT. He loves it. So, this weekend I applied the 15 year test. Will the current length of J's hair matter in 15 years? I'm afraid not....and so I need to just let it go.

Another example. When I ask my near 2 year old to pick up the blocks she dumped and she screams NO! While flinging the block. I'm tempted to just leave the block and clean it up later myself. It would sure be a whole lot easier. Jill actually used this example in her talk and it caught me a bit as my answer to her 15 year question was, nah....the blocks won't matter. Thats where I got my jolt out of my rut!! Because oh YES INDEED it matters. My little girl needs to learn respect for authority and how to care for her things....or at 17 she is going to be mighty hard to live with and sure won't be on any path that leads her to God. She needs to be corrected and she needs to clean up those darn blocks no matter how long it takes. (yes there are many many sighs attached to that one)

So there you go. 15 years as your parenting litmus test.

And then, if you get a handle on that....pull yourself out of your rut and imagine you own self in 15 years....just where do YOU want to be????

Oh Yeah!!

The conference! Thank you Camille. Thats what I was going to write about this week. The last few days have been such a overwhelming amount of just stuff going in and out and all around that my brain is just mushy. I told H today that if she saw my brain laying around I'd be greatful if she would give it back to me. I got a weird look.


Anyway....the conference...its processing back in my brain somewhere yet. Hopefully not to jumbled up with all the other stuff. And I just deleted a long rambly sentence about the condition of my brain again. See? I'm a mess!

The conference...oh yeah...the conference!


Contentment. Thats what I wanted to talk about. Contentment. I went to an awesome speaker, Micca Campbell. She said that contenment is something you must learn. I thought that compelling. I think we spend a great deal of time thinking, or at least I do, that if I just do this, or if I just have this, or just get through this...then I will be content. And that feeling just never comes.


She said that discontent comes from comparison. I can agree with that too. I think our society teaches us to compare. The old "keeping up with the Jones'" adage. Its rampant in our commercialized society. Have you ever watched the show "The Duggers" They seem pretty content IMO. They also stay pretty far removed from the commericialism in our society. Definately a connection there.


We can not fill the discontent in our lives with stuff and expect to feel content. Or at least not lasting content. We will always want the next thing that comes along. I know that this is a struggle for me. I like stuff! I like to go shopping. And perhaps because I do, I do know that that stuff really doesn't bring content or true happiness. The only thing that will fill that hole is God. We all have a God sized hole in us and when we put God in it...true contentment will come.


I know that not all believe this. That God just can't be the answer to it all. That he doesn't work for them. He does though. He really does. I promise. And I'm just not articulate enough, or scholarly enough to prove it. Check out Psalm 139. "Even in painful situations....God is there"

She also pushed my faith asking that in times I felt discontent why I didn't lean on my faith and and be happy with all that God has provided me with. Romans 8 tells us that God promises he will meet our needs to his glorious purpose. Isn't that enough? Should be.

When I read stuff like that I think about people living in conditions that are so far below what standards I have. And observe how they live so faithfully to God. How greatful they are for all they have. While I'm going, but you have so little! And then I see how far I have to go yet. Who is it exactly that has so little?

So often the road God shows us does not look like anything we would even want to consider traveling down. His roads are hard. Lots of twists and turns. Lots of of detours we just do not understand. Why in the world would we want to travel on that willingly?

The speaker shared a story with us that I think helped illustrate why we should anyway.



A little girl was shopping with her Mother and saw a string of fake pearls she just had to have. Her mother said she could do some chores at home to earn money for them. The girl did this and her mother went and purchased them for her. The girl was in love with these pearls. She wore them everywhere and kept them right by her bed at night. One night when her father was kissing her good night he asked her if she loved him. She said of course I do Dad! More then ice cream he asked? YES says the girl (and on this went for several items) Then he said, do you love me more then your pearls? Yes she said. Do you love me enough to give me your pearls? And sadly the little girl shook her head no.


At this point I was a little squirmy. It didn't seem very fair of the Father to put this little one on the spot like that. But the story went on and the Dad this nightly for about a week! Which made me squirm even more. How could you let your child go to bed with such a heavy heart night after night??


One night as you might have guessed...the burden of the heavy heart became to much for the little girl. And when she was asked that last question....she tearfully handed over the pearls to her Father. And her Father actually took them!! Yeah...he totally took this prized object from his daughter. Yup.


Then he said, thank you dear. And reached into his pocket and pulled out a green velvet bag out of which he pulled out a beautiful strand of real pearls which he gave to his little girl!



THATS what God asks of us.



Its that hard....and often times much harder.


So, that is one of the idea "contentment" that I've been mulling around. Since Saturday. Its a weighty subject and I just shared a few highlights. And gone on and on as it is. And I've deleted tons. Cause my brain is still connecting dots.


So, thats probably good for now!

Another Day

Day 10.

How sad am I.

I have thoughts for fabulous blog posts. But when I get here....nothing.

I had to wear a winter coat today.

Its Monday.

Its cold.

Better luck tommorow.

Conference

The conference I went to was good. I enjoy going and it always makes me feel encouraged and validated in my choosen profession. This Mom job.....well....its just hard work.

If you have ever been to a conference, the experience can leave you so full of new information......you just feel fuzzy! I'm hoping in the coming days some of it will start to come back together and I can come up with a few blog posts that are at least an attempt at being more interesting then the last few.

The conference starts out with a "Moms night out" Lots of music, humorous speakers and just a general rah rah go Mom atmosphere. Its fun, low stress.

This year they had a usually acapella group that sings songs for kids that won't drive their parents bonkers Sounded good before they even started singing! :D Then I heard them sing and loved it! Bought serveral CD's

Here is the website: http://www.singers.com/gospel/gofish.html

You can listen to bits of albums there and get an idea of the type of music they sing.

Go check it out!

And I'm back

It was good.....and I'm exhausted!

zzzzzzzzzz

night all!

I'm off!

I am off for a day trip to the Hearts at home conference today!

Interested? Google it....I'll report back late!

30 day challenge

Have you heard of it?

The challenge is to blog every day for 30 days.

I'm not sure I can do it....I'm so not sure that here it is day 6 before I admit thats what I'm trying to do. I failed miserably last year.

But I'm giving it another shot.

Hopefully there won't be to many posts that are like this one.

Its raining here today. A lot.

Freaky day

My garage door randomly shuts when I close the door to the house.

It rains while the sun shines

While we were at dance....my curtain rod becomes dislodged from the wall

I STILL got political ads in the mail today.


THIS is what happens the day after Obama is elected?

Sigh

Elephants and things

Did you know that an average African Bull Elephant does indeed weigh about 5 tons? My 10 year announced that to me this evening. He is rather inclinded to spout off numbers that are often not even in the ballpark of being right. And that just seemed an awful lot to me. So I googled it. I love google. He was right. The average ABE weighs between 9k-13k. Thats just a lot! And there is a big difference in weight for females. They weigh around 4500-7k. So even a big female is 2k smaller then a smaller male! Thats a big difference too!

I was quick to give the boy his victory. 10 year olds get great joy out of proving their mothers wrong :D

I got a haircut tonight....I was able to get squeezed in. I am soooo close to style I am trying to grow it out too! I love it!

Vote!!!!!!!!

In case you hadn't heard....today is THE day.

Get out there and do your thing. No excuse is a good one...unless you are stuck in a hospital.

Just go!

Faith

I am borrowing this from the "Salzwedel Family" blog. It is so eloquently written.....I wanted to put it somewhere where I could read it often.





What is Faith?
Faith is BELIEVING the Word of God and acting on it no matter how I feel, believing that God will bring a good result.



Faith is not a belief that everything will turn out to please us; rather it is the confidence that no matter how things turn out, God will somehow use the events in our days for His glory and for our good.



Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time.



Faith is being willing to trust God - turning your hopes and problems over to Him and trusting in His wisdom - and knowing that somehow everything will turn out for the best. No matter how difficult or dark things become, there is always a light.



Faith is a living, daring confidence in God's grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.



Faith is a reasoning trust, a trust which reckons thoughtfully and confidently upon the trustworthiness of God.



Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation.



Its why I am not pro choice. This faith business. Its becasue I put my faith in God. No matter how the baby was concieved. Even if the conception would kill me. My faith says to trust God in all things. To let him decide for my life.

If I think killing a baby to protect myself is OK....then why have laws against murder at all? I realize that some might say killing the baby to protect the mother is self defence....but is it? My faith says that God gets to decide if I live or die in that instance. Trust without reservation. Trust when I don't understand at all.

Try this!

I wasn't able to find a picture of the Sierra Mist Free Cranberry Splash......but its out there because I'm drinking it right now and it is delicious! Nearly guilt free stuff! Apparently it has been available before around the Christmas season....I just didn't notice. I did today and tried it for fun....two thumbs up from me!

Did you do it?

Did you set your clocks back last night?

Are you kids' "clocks set back too?


Stupid time change.


Stupid stupid stupid

Reasons not....

I just watched a video on another blog....about Obama. There are many reasons why I can't vote for this man. None of them have to do with his color or parentage. To base a vote on that alone is ridiculous in my opinion. But this reason I just saw makes me sick to my stomach. In the video, they were showing countless times where Mr Obama shows his disrespect for unborn babies. He says that he intends to educate his daughter about morals and ethics....but should they make a "mistake" they shouldn't be "punished" (yes he said punished) with a baby. In that statement alone he admits then that "it" is indeed a baby...one that his daughter could potentially be punished with.

If a person can not respect life at its most vulnerable....then just how much respect does he have for any of us?

His tax plan is ridiculous. He wants to "talk" to Iranias (yeah....that'll work). His bail out plan for SS? Lets just tax those rich guys to death...that'll fix it. Never mind that those rich guys are the ones that support charities and offer jobs. Taking money from the rich and giving to the poor always "sounds" good....but its the government who now has the money....not the poor....and we all have seen how well the government spends. Do we really think this is a good idea???

And if one more person claims McCain is "just like Bush" because he voted with him a bunch....oh please. Just what other choice did he really have??

It is much like this election, sometimes, most of the time in politics these days, neither option is really all that good. But you have to pick. Cause not voting is not an option.....its a cop out. And waaaaaaaaaay to many people have died for me to have this right not too. So, although I don't agree with McCain on several issues...like health care...woah boy. But I gotta pick one.

And I can not vote for someone who can allow a baby to die in a linen basket because it wasn't wanted. Becaues someone made a "mistake" and didn't want to be "punished"

Just can't do it.

Happy Halloween!

4+ 1 Week

My little girl is 4.....and turned that officially one week ago today. It would appear that the third birthday in a week is my kryptonite. I just couldn't seem to get pictures of her off the camera and uploaded. And I felt that I needed to post one of her if I did of the others. And so it goes. In my defence, I have to say that I typically try my best to make things different....making everything equal among the 4 will make me crazy....but I do try to balance things as best as I can.

4 years -5 weeks from today this little one joined our family. Her adoption was a little bumpier then the other kids. Her other mother was steadfast in her plan for her throughout and so we hung in too. She fills and occupies a very special place in our hearts that is for sure.

S is all girl and completely enamored with all things pink and purple and if you can add glitter even better. Princess', imaginary friends, being determined to be big while taking care of us the best way she can discribes our sweet girl.

My Boy is 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!

J is 10 officially today!!!!!!!

What a milestone. We are more then halfway to the point where he thinks he will need to leave the house and be on his own. How in the world did that happen???? He is a great kid to be sure and I count my blessings every day that I get to be a part of his life. Such a creative, active sweet boy. Those eyes when they sparkle at me, oh it does the heart in!

Family party planned tonight for him, and then in another week or so we will take off to an indoor waterpark to do some more celebrating. A milestone like this requires celebrating!

Election

Seriously.

WHO are we suppose to vote for???

Why does every election come down to the lesser of the evils?

Mr Socialist or Mr I'm not like Bush but I'm like Bush.

I've never missed a November election since I could vote. And I don't plan on skipping this year either. BUT, I have NO idea who to check. None. I believe there are 5 on the ballot correct??

anyone have a 5 sided coin?

Just when I think I had a bad day....

Read this

http://moroccanmaryam.typepad.com/my_marrakesh/2008/10/rwandas-genocide-and-vestines-story.html?cid=133098701#comments

Hello October

Ok, so summer is for sure over right? I miss summer, a whole lot more then usual this year. Sigh

Anyway, I guess its time for Halloween then. My dear friend Leah found this delightful holiday print for me/us today. I like it. My chest cold is nearly over...and a head cold took its place. That plus the rest of Septembers gunk makes me feel like hitching a ride on that there broom. ------->

Slide over honey and make some room.

Wednesday... the new Monday

I'm back. Probably didn't know I was gone. LOL

My Grandmother passed away last week and I was gone doing stuff that needed doing in regard to that. I got back home yesterday and it was rather rough. Troubles abound in many relationships around here and I am emotionally and physically just shot making it difficult to deal. Sigh.

Its just the little girls and me today and that is helpful as we seem to find our rhythm together very quickly. Its comforting. Laundry going too. Who knew that could comfort?

One brag here though as I'm trying valiently to find some silver linings around here....H has had 5 piano lessons now. I talked with her teacher after lesson yesterday and she would like H to participate in a regional recital in January that she doesn't usually have first year students in. Impressed is she with H's progress. :) That felt good. It really did.

Is it still Monday??

I think Monday is having a tough time saying goodbye around here. G has been infinately more cheerful today then yesterday, but S has taken her place. Her nose is very stuffed up with this cold the three of us have. The audacity of this has mader her nearly unbearable. However I can relate as yesterday I truely felt like having the fit she did have over it today.

In efforts to shake off the Monday blahs and general crankiness around here we did get out and do. Like I went for a physical that was 6 months over due. I didn't realize how much this was bugging me until I had the relief flood in when it was over. Its all good.

A little Mommy bragging to follow. J ran for class represenative for the student council. He won...almost! What I eventually got from a long long tale (which was a blast to hear I might add) that he was the runner up. A girl beat him but a little. His official title is "alternate" he will go to about half the meetings and any she can't go. A girl led to an interesting revelation by my near 10 year old son. He says to me, I don't understand why she won, girls can't be president. I told him they sure could. He retorted, but they haven't been. I told him he was right....the girls just haven't had time to do that awfully busy doing everything else! :D LOL. It was a fun discussion and I am proud of him for stepping up, making a speech and getting his classmates to vote for him. In his speech he told his classmates they should vote for him because he was good at getting along with others, was creative and loved to play soccer at recess. I would agree with that!

I am also proud of my H. She is a super speller and already off to a great start in piano lessons! GOOOO H!

Sticker

Can anyone tell me WHY the sticker with directions to the pork chops I made last night....the very sticker that would NOT stay adhered to the plastic bag it was stuck to....is not FIRMLY stuck to the side of my sink???


Monday crabbiness abounds

Fading

My Grandma is dying of pancreatic cancer. About 3 weeks ago she suffered a stroke and we thought she would go then. She rallied however and in the past week she has been actually doing better.

Yesterday she took a turn for the worse after a restless night. Her breathing has become increasingly raspy and it would appear her lungs are beginning to fill with fluid.

And so today we prayed for Grandma who is going to be with Jesus soon.

We love you Grandma.

Sweetness

I made it to Friday in this busy cluttered week.

I'm still sick. As I'm a bit of a control freak in some areas...like my health, I had given my body permission to be sick (yes permission) on Friday afternoon and Saturday if it insists. It heard and responded and ramped it up a good deal this afternoon. Honestly, because I was so tired and let my guard down it gave me a good run last night too. Sleep was very fleeting. Sigh.

G is also sharing my cold. And had sleep disturbances last night too. And yet she can run around the house and do her thing yet. Oh to be a todller.

Onto the sweetness.

S had surgery today to put tubes in her ears and remove her adnoids. S's stuffy nose and near constant colds or allergies, we're never sure which one is causing the problems today, have become a way of life for her and for us. We've tried all sorts of allergey meds and they used to work. This winter less and less. This summer not at all. Some trips to the doctor on days that I would lable as "good" showed the doctor that the swelling was still huge and the fluid in her ears never really going away. The ENT doctor agreed. Although it is not fun to think about your daughter being put under I am so glad that this is available to us. That her ears can have help draining and she can begin to breath again soon. Cause she does have another cold and ear infection today so we are on meds for that. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

Today H had earned the opportunity to go to the prize box at school. She had to earn 15 nut goodies (no idea why her teacher calls them this but anyway...) 15 is a lot. Out of this box she choose a container of sparkle lotion. She brought it home, showed and to me. Then when S woke up from her nap H presented to her as a gift! H never once mentioned that was her plan! They DO love each other! :)

Sick

I have a cold.

I'm whiney.

I have to clean my house anyway becasue I have people coming over tomorrow night.

I'd rather take a nap.

Or eat ice cream

Or just call it a day.

Did I mention I was whiney?

Sides of the story

I don't even know how to start this post because I don't know what to call the group of people I need to name with out causing unintended hurt.

OK, how about: those who have placed or had a child of theirs placed for adoption and are interested in adoption reform and claim that they haven't been heard. I agree. You haven't been.

What bothers me is when the group of people claiming to be unheard starts attacking groups they think HAVE been heard. Like the rest of the so called triad.

I think, because I fall into the adoptive parent group mostly that we too havne't been heard. When we started the process to adopt our son I felt fairly well versed in adoption. I had been on the biological family side, I'd read A book. I went to the agency classes. I was with it. I thought.

What I DIDN"T know was how lucky we were. We literally fell into an agency that just so happened to be, at least at the time we used them (they had been handeling adoptions for more the 50 years) very ehtical. I didn't know the other side that was out there. And wouldnt' even begin to see that until the adoption of our second child. THAT was when the rest of my education started.

Should I be blamed for what I didn't know I didn't know? I don't believe that I should be any more then a woman who placed her child for adoption should be blamed for not knowing understanding questioning more then she knew what to question at the time she placed.

SO, why do those who placed who wish now they hadn't feel they need to attack adoptive parents as a group? Why call us "adopters" . Why say things that are said to make us feel less then parents of our children? We are not the enemy. As a group we for the most part are trying to do our best. There are bad eggs in our group just like in any other group on this planet. Name calling gets us no where. It can not undo the past.

And while on the subject, birthparent. Is it possible that sometimes this term really IS relavent and a good choice. For many of the other parents in my kids' life birthparent does seem to fit becuase they have choosen NOT to be involved after birth. I don't think that dimishes who they are....it just identifies what their relationship is. Which is probably why I take offence to the term "adopter". To me that lables something I did. Its not something I'm doing still. It be like calling you a high schooler. You once were, but your most likely not now. I did adopt. Today I'm not. It really just doesn't fit because no one can be constantly adopting.

So anyway. I'm for Adotion reform. Adoption education. Not slamming each other. Not causing more hurt.


And I think anything related to adoption reform needs to be 100% about the adoptee first.

Talk about sides of the story not heard.

Haiti

I don't know about where you live....but there is NO news in my paper about the devistation the hurricanes have done to the poor country of Haiti. I had to go the internet to find some. I was able to find out that according to news sources approximately 300 people have been killed.

Then I started reading some blogs. The people who are actually there say this number is low. They tell stories, that match about what the UN is NOT doing. WHY????

I'm posting a link here because this blogger asked people to do so. To get the word out. I don't get that much trafffic but its worth a shot. I need to fire off some letters to my senators too. Stuff like this makes me feel so helpless. Anyone got any other ideas of what could be done??

http://haitibaby.blogspot.com/2008/09/gonaives-haiti.html

Talents

A Sunday home. We claimed it. All 3 girls have bad colds and so we used that as an excuse to duck out of a family event. Its justified, baby was up twice last night being pitiful. Colds are just no fun and these days there is precious little that you can give babes to help....all the good stuff now off the shelves.

So, we are home. We made a big breakfast, DH helped me move some furniture and I got some painting in on a MOPS project while the little girls napped. I should have just napped with them. I really like to make crafty things. Its a blast. BUT I'm truely not any good at them. I'm going to have to cajole DH into helping me make them look presentable. They are suppose to be centerpices for the tables and right now....I would have to blame my little ones for helping I think. They are that bad.

This project made me think of math. I like math. Always have. And I am absolutely no good at it. I BARELY pulled a C in algebra in college which is frustrating as I spent lots of time on it and really, it was one of my favorite classes.

So, my question to you out there, that is if there is anyone out there reading....what is something you LOVE to do....but really aren't so very good at.

New

New school year. New blog look.

I've changed "looks" before...but MAN have I struggled this time with it and I don't know why. The previous background I had would not stay deleted making a rather scary blend of whats up there and whats there now. I FINALLY got rid of that....but now the stuff I usually keep on the side....is at the bottom...and it won't move...and I'm tired of it so I thought perhaps I'd just blog about it. Fitting.

School has started for the older two and seems to be going well over all. Back into the swing of things gradually. Next week we get to jump in full force with preschool and after school activities. I wish I could say I was greatful but honestly I wish we had just one more month of summer. I rather go hang out at the pool. Don't tell my 9 year old.

In other news, my Grandma is not doing well. A week ago she had a stroke and the tumer moved/grew/advanced/ whatever preventing her from being able to eat/drink/absorb food. The doctor gave her a week at most. Day 9 here. So, medicine really is not so much an exact science is it? Its just hard for everyone. Hard for her to deal with the end, with all the joys of life taken away. Hard for everyone else to watch helplessly and feeling guilty thinking/planning/not talking about whats next.

So whats a person to do? Well, spend two days going through kids' clothes. I have NO bags of unorganized clothes anywhere in this house. Done with that task I moved on to windows today and other random cleaning type chores. Guess thats one way of dealing.

Less Ranting

Boy that was a rant.

Summer apparently also means having random thoughts that are constantly interupted (house full of kids my 4+ random other ones) until they explode out of your brain. (see previous post) Summer also means going more places, seeing more people and having more comments thrown your way out of the blue. Winter people and places are used to the way we look. Summer people and places, not so much. Winter routine lulls me in complacency. Summer jerks me back out of it. Oh yeah, thats right...we're "different. Summer is also exhausting and keeping your "cool" just that much harder. But I'll work on it.

So in contrast to my rant. This weekend we went camping (again) AND the campsite next to us was very close. The man of the site next to us said in parting, you have a beautiful family. I'll take that. :)

Adoption bugs

I am Mom to 4 kiddos who are completely mine, through adoption. Something that has been around since the dawn of time practicly, but is still it is not really understood by people who are not directly affected by it. (even though it is amazing how connected people can try to make themselves to it when they want to be...but that is for another post)

I have experience on 2 of the three traditional sides of adoption. Its a bit unique. But my post today is on bugs from the perspective of an adoptive parent.

My oldest is neary the ripe old age of 10. 10 people. It is absolutely shocking to me the things people will ask in FRONT of him. Things like, "are they brothers and sisters" I of course answer yes!!! And STILL people persist with the, 'you know what I mean". It stuns me. My children are beautiful and unique. They do not look like each other. Not even a little bit. How can people be so dumb???? Do they even stop to think about how asking questions like that in front of a not yet 10 year old will do to his understanding? We do talk about it for the record.

The other thing that has happened or has been said to me this summer is in reference to the kids' birth families. "its probably best they don't have contact" "do you have to send updates" "do the kids ask" I have ZERO problems talking about adoption. At an appropriate time and place. Play groups, not so much the place to delve into such things so much. And for the record, I have the utmost respect for my kids' other parents.

My last gripe(for today anyway) is this one. My kids are my kids. Not my adopted kids. Please do not introduce them as such. Adoption is how we came to be a family. Its something that happened. It doesn't keep happenig.

There I feel better.

Birthday Song

Do you know what the number one song was on the day you were born??

It was "American Woman" by The Guess Who for me.

Go here: http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm if you want to find out!!

Out my window

I'm looking out my window while waiting for my mop bucket to fill. Here is what I saw.

Its 75 degrees outside my theremometer says. Its HUMID however and stuffy. No breeze and cloudy.

My neighbors are on vacation. My neighbor sister is watching their house, and comes over every afternoon. There are towels drying all over the back end of her truck now....she is up to something and my guess that her sister will have a happy surprise to come home too.

I live in a very diverse town. Cultural difference in raising children do apply. A group of children who parents were most likely born in Mexcio just rode by. I know some of them by name but all of them by face. The kids are allowed to go much further then I'm comfortable in letting my kids go (which bums them out considerably) BUT what I love to see with this group of kids is how they watch out for each other with fierceness. Case in point today, the oldest girl has her brother or cousin who is still riding a tricycle tethered to her bike so she can help pull him along and he can keep up with the pack. Dangerous I know. Yes they are on the street. The little one DID have a helmet on, unusual. But so sweet too. I have seen time and again the sad faces of my little girls when the big kids take off with out them. I can only imagine how their faces would light up if I were to allow their sibs to do the same. I'm not going to though. Sorry girls.

Down just a bit further someone is pacing while talking on the phone in front of the house where my neighbor passed away this week. He was only 55. I did not really know him other then he was friendly enough neighbor. Someone to wave too when bringing in the trash can, that sort of thing. It was totally unexpected collapsed in his house. He and his wife lost a teen son 12 years ago. They have another son who is married and two teens at home. Say a prayer for them today if you think of it. This has quite an effect on me this week. Time is so precious. Kiss your spouse and your kids today. A lot.

My bucket is full.

Stuff

How did it get to be this late in July already???

I think when you live in the midwest you have to stuff as much as possible into these summer days befor old man winter wakes up again. So we run around doing everything a person can outdoors until we are sick to death of everything you can do outdoors!

Soooo...we have been busy going to parks, ball games, swimming, camping, bike riding, fishing, sandbox playing, bubble blowing, fort building and today for fun....garage cleaning!! lol The garage needed to be mucked out as we are having a party here Friday to celebrate our first year with the new business! We're still going strong. Very proud of that hubby of mine.

Speaking of proud. My 3 year old learned to ride a two wheeler this past weekend!! Apparently while I was at the showerhouse while camping she and Daddy had a talk and took them off....3 steps later with Dad and she was GONE! I came out and she whizzed by me grinning ear to ear. And yes, in these pics she has no helmet. Keeping kids in bike helmets while at a campground really is a losing battle. She does where it most of the time.....so no lectures please.

this and that

Overheard conversation

H - S, what do panda's eat?

S - french fries and ketchup

H - no....they eat bamboo!

S- ew ew ew ew (make this a sing song with emphasis type ew)



Busy days around here!!

We went down south to visit my Grandma....and ended up taking my Mom to the ER. She was later admitted with C-diff. Look it up if you'd like a scare. She has a severe form but thankfully not viral. She is out of the hosptial after 8 days and home again on the slow road to recovery. Never did make it to see my Grandma so will have to try again here later this month.

In happy news, my sister became engaged to a wonderful guy the weekend before the 4th. We are all very excited to start thinking wedding bells and a little family vacation for next year. Any ideas on what a family with mostly young children should think about stopping to do between Minnesota and Ohio?

The following week took the crew with hubby in tow camping over the fourth. Who knew fun could just about kill ya? We have been dragging around here again for two days recovering. G at 19 months now slept over 13 hours last night and STILL took a 2 hour nap today.

We are about caught up and ready to resume life as normal again....camping laundry is done. God sent a lovely rainstorm tonight so I don't need to water anything and at the moment....all is peaceful!

Happy Birthday!!

My oldest daughter turned 8 yesterday. We had a family day of fun at her request choosen over a party with friends. Its great to know we still "rate". It really was a great day and one to store in the mind memory. These 8 years have gone fast, cliche as it sounds. At the same time I can't hardly remember what it was like not to have her in our lives. H came to us quickly, born on a Friday, we were choosen Monday, she came home Tuesday. Over that weekend and before we knew about her at all we decided to take a new job and move across the country. It was such a crazy nutty time. She was exactly what I didn't know I needed during that time of preparing to sell a house, selling it, moving, building a new house, living in a basement. Such a crazy time. My soul needed every one of her snuggles and cuddles she so profusely offered. I needed to have that break that a newborn demands to keep my sanity. I called her the light of my day and night.

H is such a dear sweet soul. I love her to pieces. She is the least like me probably and leaves me scratching my head often. Which again is probably exactly what I didn't know I needed.


What I do know is that I love you babe with every inch of my heart.

death

How's the for an attention grabber?

My 86 year old Grandmother has recently been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. This particular cancer is almost always a death sentence and at her age and state of health, it is for sure. The doctor gives her up to a year at most because as yet the cancer hasn't moved. Somehow my Grandmother got it in her head that she has 2-3 years left. Go ahead and just TRY to tell her differently. I'm of a mind to think, hey! maybe she knows something we don't. Anyway.

What we have lately is the flurry of "activity" that seems to occur when you hear someone is going to die. Lots of advice. Lots of visiting. Lots of you should really do's. I am finding all of this really annoying. Really. Where the heck have the advice givers BEEN the last 20 years??? Cheez.

My Grandmother is many things, like most of us are. One trait of hers that has probably impacted me the most was her stubborness. Lets start at the beginning. I was NOT the Grandchild she invisioned. I had colic. I had reflux. I did NOT want her to hold me. So, it wasn't love at first sight. BUT this woman was determined to love me. Her given nature is to love more easily "needy" types. I never filled the bill. But I also never for one minute thought she didn't love me.

Her memory hasn't been the best lets just say over the last 10 years. This is where you start to be able to sort out the ambulance chasers and the ones who have been with her consistently as ever. To know her is to know that she usually mixes up the facts and holds to her version with the stubborness of a mother bear. Those in the consistant box take every thing she says with a grain of salt. Those who aren't so consistant, but have come out of the woodwork since the diagnoses don't. Because of this, one of the ambulance chasers sent out an email last week that was, well, weak in the facts mam! I had to respond to it mostly cause it had mis information in it about my own Mother. (my Mother would just suck it up and let it go) Because I have a big mouth, I couldn't let this one go. I apologize for getting of track here

My point is. WHY does this have to happen??? My Grandmother is 86. She has been given a fatal diagnoses. Shouldn't she be allowed to think she has 2-3 years left? Shouldn't she get to decide what she wants to do with the time she has left? WHY should she be encouraged to go through her things if she doesn't want to? Does it matter if she skips a doctors appt? Does it matter if she eats jello and grapes for dinner? If she doesn't get to do what she wants to with the time she has left now, when will she?

I hope it doesn't sound terrible here, but I've read enough about this disease to hope that she keeps going hard and long so much so she drops right in her tracks, right on her way to heaven. She's been stubborn about that too. I can imagine that she and God have had more then one row in her lifetime. But, once she decides something it really does take an act of God to get it undecided. She loves God, and has done her best always to be his child.

Now I just wish the "you should be doing's....." would let the woman seriuosly die in peace.

I love you Grandma.

Popcorn

I am officially to old to have popcorn only for lunch.

Yesterday was my afternoon off and I took myself to a movie. Its been months and months since I've been to one and I had forgotten how nice it was to totally relax and get all the way into a movie.....instead of folding laundry getting up to get things for the kids, answering the phone....and so it goes. I really can't remember the last time I sat and watched an entire movie. Anyway....had a big bag of popcorn for lunch to go with it. It was delicious. And I was so not feeling good after. Perhaps I should have had something more to eat that day then yougurt. LOL.

Regardless, Mom's afternoon off has been a wonderful addition to our summer calendar. It gives me a guaranteed break each week that my mental health really needs and I'm learning the kids look forward to it too!

So, all you Mom's out there...find away to give youself a few hours a week. I promise it is a good thing.

Pools

We went to the pool for the first time this season today!

G was her regular fishy self. I admit to being pround that my 31 inch 18 month was whizzing down the slide fearlessly while other older preschooler were fastened into their life jackets and were timidly taking their turn on the slide. Yup, proud.

Like I had anything to do with it! If this poor girl was carrying around my genes she would have been clinging to the side for dear life just like I did when I was her age. Probably. Or maybe not. No idea if water fear is hereditary or not. I hope my now practiced calm fools her enough to continue to be courageous. I am truely proud of myself. I did not gasp once when she went under, just calmly stood her up so she could go on her way. I was going to keep a count as to how many times in a hour she did go under. That didn't happen.

So, maybe I did have something to do with it. My guess is it is probably a combination. Her given nature is a lot fearless. 9chalk that up to genes) My more practiced mothering (nuturing) more relaxed.

Regardless, we kicked tail on that there slide today. Yup, we did.

Tagged- 4 things

Tagged - Four Things
Tagged by Camille!

Four Jobs I've had:
1. waitress
2. nanny
3. admin assist.
4. teacher

Four Movies I've watched more then once:
1. Pretty Woman
2. Beaches
3. Robinhood Prince of Theives
4. Cinderella

Four Places I Have Lived:
1. Sioux Falls SD
2, Brookings, SD
3. Albuquerque, NM
4. Mankato, MN

Four TV Show I watch: (I'm making this one summer shows)
1. Army Wives
2. Burn Notice
3. The Mole
4. Dora the Explorer

Four Places I've been:

1. Alaska
2. Florida
3. California
4. Canada

Four People Who Email Me Regularly:
1. flylady
2. Chris
3. forum notifications
4. Robin

Four of My Favorite Foods:

1. diet coke
2. lately scrambled eggs
3. Chinese
4. Fun pizza (like california chik, blt, bacon cheeseburger)

4 Places I'd Like to Visit

1.Costa Rica
2. Carribean
3. England
4. Africa

Four Things I'm Looking Forward to This Year:
1. Peaceful living
2. Camping
3. watching my kids grow
4. not moving....not starting a business.....not relandscaping....not ripping up the house

Four People I Tag:
1. Mindy
2. Bek
3. you
4. and you

Mom's day out

I went out today for 4 hours BY MYSELF!!! yup, you heard it right. I found a sitter who is willing to come hang with these people for 4 hours EVERY Wednesday!!

I ate lunch with out blowing on or cutting up anyone elses food. I shopped and got just what was on my list. I found out they have movie matinees (note to self for next week). I ran in and out of so many places with such speedy glee that I hardly cared it was raining cats and dogs and my good hair day went to total ruin.

I ended my day with a pedicure. This is only my second one and can I say I loved it? The only yuck part was towards the end when a Gma brought along her young wild crazy loud grandsons and their mother. She was busy programing her phone. The boys were busy running around, wrestling, staring at people getting their nails done. Sigh. Being kids and being held hostage in a non kid place. ugh.

Next Wednesday is mine yet again. Just the idea of having a for sure break again is so exciting. I truely understand the phrase: That girl needs to get out more!

Confession time

I like teen pop music. Like Hannah Montana. Like the song "I don't wanna go to school" (I haven't been in school in what 13 years so how weird is that to sing loudly while cleaning the kitchen). If I need something with a good beat to get me in the moving around the house mood....its probably teen pop going on in my ipod.


There. Thats out. I feel better.

fat

This weather is making me fat.

We are "enjoying" (ha!) day #5 of rainy/windy/yuck weather. The perfect weather for baking and cuddling up on the couch with a movie. To many more of days of this and my hiney will be as big as the couch and my kids will start rivaling the overstuffed chair.

Oh Mr. Sun Sun, Mr Golden Sun...please shine down on me.....you know its bad when you start singing Barney songs!

I wish....

she would have kept me.

Thats what I got off the cuff from my 7 year old yesterday as I mentioned I needed to work on a update letter for G. Could have knocked me over with a feather I tell ya. This is how this girl operates. So far she has ONLY ever said anything about adoption in less then private settings. This time my niece was sitting there and I wasn't sure I wanted to go into all of this real heavy.

My niece....only 4 days older then my DD said without missing a beat...."why did she?" H without missing a beat answered the usual way she has been I guess "taught" I just let them handle the conversation and the questions. H didn't seem to have any problems answering anything asked.

I think perhaps we will have a conversation though in the next week or so. I think. Not to sound cliched or to discount her feelings....but she WAS having a not so good day and was not overly thrilled with me lets just say. I do remember at her age thinking for sure I had to be adopted because no one in that house understood me.

So, I got a "is this a true adoption issue" or a "is this a pre-teenish deal" The first of many I'm guessing.

Summer TV

I really don't watch as much TV as I used to thats for sure. No time! Maybe an hour a day in the summer max...probably less BUT nonetheless I am happy that there are new shows to actually watch during the summer.

Here's what I'll try to catch if I can:

1. Army wives (starts next Sunday....do you think they all survive??)

2. Burn Notice (quicky kind of McGyverish type spy show...fun!)

3. The Mole (started Monday night...first time I've ever seen it....I liked it!)

4. Bones reruns (I got into that show during the strike...very good! I recomend it!)


That might be it...any shows anyone is looking forward too?

Survivor Mode

OK...transitions are difficult aren't they?

This is day 2 of the kids being home from school from the summer and there is definately some adjustments. The girls think its great with the extra built in entertainment. I'm trying not to focus on the extra mess...and food. Heck, I've actually had to cook more then one meal a day! These guys actually eat just a bit more then the little girls and I did during the day this winter.

But I am detemined to have a good one this summer. Just got done figuring the bills and I think a swim pass to the waterpark will work...that should help. Should it ever decide to get warm that is!

In other thoughts....well...summer, that is what is on my mind.

Give me some ideas....what do you do to keep your school age kids busy during those quiet nap times hours??

Summer

Summer officially begins today at 3:06. It does not matter if it is STILL only 63 out and that is the high so far for the week. It does not matter that the calendar says summer doesn't officially start for several weeks yet. It does not matter that I haven't finished all of my spring projects. Because.....


SCHOOL IS OUT!!!!!!!!!

J's journey to us

I was 27 when I sat down in the garage one day as he was cleaning his bench and simply implored my husband of 4 years to PLEASE start thinking about adoption. For the record, adoption was the plan from the very beginning as to how we would have a family. We knew of our infertility long before "I do". Enough said. After a long talk (again) he agreed to begin researching. The man is an engineer and the scientist brain must research. Its what it does. I was elated! Movement at last.

I hit pay dirt a few months later when I found a local agency that was offering a 6 week (once a week) class exploring the basics. This was EXACTLY what the man needed. As it turns out, I did too. I had no idea how much I didn't know. I was ready to jump in with both feet because I wanted to be a Mom. In my defense I wasn't completely clueless on the subject. I had some experience from a birthfamily perspective. I don't care to get into that here, even though it hit very close to me, I myself am NOT a birthparent. Anyway.

We were both impressed with the caseworker who did much of the class from this agency. Rebecca was very professional and respectful of all sides. Even with all the work we did with her I did not ever get a clear vision of her personal feelings on adoption. She conducted herself as a tool to be used as the client (be it us or the birth families) needed. The closest she ever got was one time asking us if we were praying, I said yes and she said good, it helps! Because of her we went ahead and started working with this agency (we generally just liked the atmosphere....clear answers, no promises and professional and counseling...it was a family services organization which included parenting classes so we never got the feeling they were pressuring anyone but I admit at the time we didn't ask)

We completed the classes and homestudy in late spring. The agencies in the state we were living in had perspective parent create albums to introduce themselves. Creating this album introduced me to the world of scrapbooking. I do feel bad that my first attempt at it was this poor album. It was very amaturish but cute in its own way too. I'll never forget the staged pictures of DH and I "reading" to show things that we valued. LOL. Anyway. We recieved a letter dated July 13, 1998 stating that our homestudy was officially approved my the agencies board and we were officially waiting. Our CW said that she guessitmated our wait to be 6-12 months at least. In our minds we put it off and decided that after Christmas we would start getting ready. And really, gave it very little thought really. DH sister had had a baby that spring, my sister that summer and DH other sister had twins in September. Our families were very busy celebrating their arrivals. We knew we would join that trend in time. We were both busy with jobs and friends.

Zoom forward to October 13, 1998. 3 months to the date of that letter. I'm correcting papers and doing laundry. DH is on the phone. He had been for awhile and mostly quiet....when I walked by I mouthed "who are you talking to" and he mouthed "Rebecca". Our good friend was named Rebecca and I assumed it was her....continued on my way to switch the laundry. With my head in the washing machine it started to dawn on me that the things he WAS saying weren't making sense if he was talking to friend Rebecca....so could it be??? I beat it back to him and read the notes he was making and about freaked. He stopped the phone call then to fill me in. A boy had been born that morning and we had been choosen! His other parents wanted to meet us the next morning at 10AM. You could have literally knocked me over with a feather I promise you. It very seriously wasn't on my mind much. When we were in the homestudy process I had tried to go an shop for a few baby things and I really felt like a fraud. I was expecting....sorta. But I wasn't. And the most I could ever bring myself to buy was some baby magic bath soap and one blanket. I had given myself permission in a way to put it off and not deal with those emotions until January. So much for that!

The rest of the evening my mind was all over the place! I had to call in for a sub...make lesson plans....and the name debate began. Can you believe that we really hadn't talked about names at all? Looking back now the other thing that strikes me is that our brains never went to baby supplies either that night. I'm serious when I say we had a blanket and some bath soap. That was IT! The rest of the night was such a blur. Precious little sleep was had. I remember playing solitaire on the computer in an attempt to numb my brain enough to sleep. (it didn't work LOL)

The next morning we met both of baby boys other parents and bmom's parents. It was a good meeting. His bmom was chatty and we talked all over the place touching a bit on why they choose us and quite a bit about what kind of relationship they wanted to have after. Then we went into the hall while the CW stayed with them so they could make a final choice. Then the CW came out to us and talked with us so we could make a final choice. It was unamious and we were officially choosen to be his parents. We told them the name we had choosen. They did NOT want to name him, but by pure coicidence, the middle name we choose, a family name for us was the same as bmom's Dad's name! They liked what we choose. Its hard to explain that kind of pressure. They were adament that we choose, but I was so very much wanted their approval of it too.

Then we got to go and meet our little boy. First impression: He was sooooooo tiny!! Oh my goodness. He was less then 6 pounds and I swear he had 0 baby chub. He was the most cutest adorble this bald baby out there no doubt. I remember picking him up not wanting to ever put him down. Sharing with DH was difficult. And distracting. While he was holding him I was more intuned too the catty comments his primairly nurse made. She was not nice let just say...and the only one who seemed to be adamently against this adoption taking place. What I STILL want to know is, who asked her? I was so annoyed with her by the end of the afternoon there was really no way I could imagine leaving him to her care. However, there was a kinder nurse that came and asked us some chatty questions and brought up the question of a car seat. FINALLY it dawned on us that we didn't have that or anything else to take care of a baby!! We had to leave and get some shopping in. Later we were to find out that our leaving gave BGma some time that she wanted to have to hold and cuddle him, so it was good we left. When we returned to the hospital, we were told that the birthfamily wanted to see us. Bmom planned on being discharged, but before she left she and the rest of the family had gifts for us! Well, for baby. It was so incredibly sweet. Words are just inadequate.

Afterwards we went to hold baby. His nurse was in fine form. Making all kinds of snippy comments about how this was NOT going to happen. I have no idea why, other then being annoyed with her that I wasn't concerned that things wouldn't continue to happen the way his other family planned. Neither DH or I were though. Needless to say we were not being invited to stay at the hospital either, rather encouraged to go home and rest. As if. Fortunately the shift change resulted in a male nurse sent from nurse heaven who imediately put me at ease and we left him in peace. You can bet we were back the next morning by shift change!

That night was spent making more lesson plans and taking care of school things. That next morning after a slightly more restful nights sleep (slight) I was up early to get to school to set things up for the sub and then we were off to the hospital. We spent the morning holding him and caring for him. We found out his Bmom would be stopping by with bfather that AM to see him before going to court. She did not and would not hold him. Bfather did hold him and had some very sweet moments. I did remember during all this being on that side of the table and tried to give them as much time alone as they wanted....but honestly they wanted us to be with him and bond with him as much as possible.

Our caseworker later shared with us that the judge was rather severe with both of them. Really grilling them about what they were doing and what this meant. The caseworker had talked with each of them quite a bit together and separately too. While I am sorry and was more sorry at the time that had to go through all this, now I'm glad that they did. I'm glad that things were explained to them from multiple sources. I'm glad that their parens supported their decision while from our viewpoint it didn't seem that they were trying to sway them one way or the other.

J's bmom was adopted into her family too incidently. So I could only imagine all the thoughts and feelings going through her head during this time. I'm glad that she had at least some of the time she needed to spend with J. Bfathers parenst were not emotionally able to participate in the hospital "stuff". I understand that too. They sent a special family keepsake however. These are some great parents I tell you. Over the years I continue to be impressed at their unfailing support of their children.

We were able to bring home our beautiful boy that evening. After shift change (thankfully) the night nurses were very happy to send us on our way, helping to ensure we had that new car seat figured out and wouldn't have need of diapers, wipes, pacifiers or food for the next 2 days! They were great.

We have some contact with each other. The adoption has opened more as bio family is comfortable with. Addresses have been exchanged. We had one vist. We live more then 1000k miles from each other so it isn't easy to do. But it might happen again. J is definately old enough now to have an opinion on the matter so should we head that way to visit, it will be up to him.

I have to say I am very glad I typed this out. There were a few details I was squishing about in my head and writing it out helped me sort it out. And having the big picture out there brought back some other little details and memories that I am confident will stay safe now in my head. The written story will trigger them.

I have told this as much as I can from my point of view only. Because this is the story as it effected me. I'm sure Dh's take is some different. As is J's birthfamily. Thats OK. The most important thing IMO that I think has run through this adoption from the start is respect. I will strive to continue that.

blogging

I don't think I'm a very good blogger! I think things in my brain....but when I tried to get things out on it....someting always seems missing. At least when I try to think about bigger issues. Perhaps I need to practice more?

LOL.


Anyway, for anyone who is paying any attention...especially to adoption...please know that what I have put her so far is only the tip of what I think. Some conclusions of a long lists of thoughts. I have lots and lots of thoughts, and really not all that many conclusions.

I'm going to go on a bit with adoption mostly because as for thoughts....adoption thoughts are ones I really really want to get right. Adoption has a huge place in my heart.

On another blog I read regularly the blogger was defending (a bit) her right to share as much of her childrens stories as she does. I agreed with everything she had written. The post really did make me think about my own kids's stories....which for the most part I've kept quiet about. I think. I haven't kept quiet about them necessairly on purpose really. Somewhere along the line "people" said that their stories were private and thiers to tell. And I went along with that. BUT is it? Is it just "their stories". The blogger I mentioned said that her kids' stories are interwoven with hers now. And also questioned the difference between telling her kids' birth stories and a bio kids' stories . I agree. My kids' stories are definately woven into the fabric of my life. Into the story of my life. And I don't want them to think that any part of their life is so secret that they can't share it. That there is something wrong with telling it. Far from the truth.

I have noticed that when I bring it up, extended family tends to get 'quiet" about it. They might ask a few quesitons...all polite. But I think they would really rather not think about the rest of my kids' families. They love them and probably can't help feeling a bit threatened by "others". Why I'm bringing this up now, is perhaps its my fault. Perhaps I don't talk enough about it to make it "normal" But how do you find that balance. That balance of talking about it enough that its another kind of normal...not something taboo....but not so much that you start to appear obsessed and abnormal about trying to be normal! Does that make sense?

Anyway. I've always meant to sit and write my kids' stories out. Perhaps I will do that here. Soon. I think.

Family

I was thinking today that I have said precious little about adoption on this here blog. So that got me thinking even more. Just what DOES adoption mean to me. In a nutshell so to speak.

To me, adoption means extending my family intentionally. It means deciding to have a life long connection to other people. It does not mean that we always like each other or agree with each other. It does mean we are and will be forever connected.

Deep friendships can be similar...but in friendships the person can always walk away. End the relationship. In families, you can't. You can not talk or associate with each other for years and years, but you are still and always will be connected.

And when I mean extending the family I mean all of us. The kids other parents and their families. All of us.


Thats a big part of what adoption means to me. I am speaking not only as an adoptive parent, but as a birth relative. I have relatives fairly close to me genetically speaking that I've never met or have been placed. But I'm connected to them. And to their families. I always will be.

That is the shortest answer I've got for what adoption means to me.

Keep Dreaming

Just 10 years ago I was "celebrating" another Mother's Day as "not a Mother". Not in the club. Its hard. It sucks. It hurts. It well....it just....well if you are in any kind of wait mode here....I don't need to tell you.

Keep dreaming. Don't let go. Hold on to it. There are lots of kiddos out there in our world that need Momma's. They do. And if you are working to concieve a babe, then best of luck to you too.

The path to parenthood is often not what we dreamed it would be. I personally think it is extremely good training for the eventualities OF parenthood. A truely undescribable adventure.

So, keep searching for your path. Keep dreaming.

Happy Belated Mother's Day!!!

Do not be offended.....I didn't get my own mother greeted until a day late as it is.

I was not avoiding it at all. It is what it is. It didn't dawn on me until I read other blogs in the world of adoption that I should avoid or have any issue with Mothers Day. I think that is a testament partly to business and cutting out anything that isn't absolutely essential to raising my kids in this busy world. But it was brought to my attention yesterday while reading and I thought for the record I should jot down a few thoughts.

So, for whats it worth, I really no longer understand WHY any adoptive Mother out there should possibly feel the slightest bit guilty about celebrating Mother's Day (unless perhaps you knowingly participated in an unethical adoption....then, well, there should be a whole 'nother post about that I suppose). My childrens parent choose ME to be there parents. THEY choose me. And thats what I am. Their children are my children and I am there Mother. There is much to celebrate and honor. There is. Being a parent is HARD work! Sure there are reward and all of that which is the only reason to do that job, but lets be frank here, its simply A LOT of work. It takes everything you have in you and then some. I have been changing diapers for more then 8 years for example. Thats a lot of diapers. A little, "Your the bestest Mom in the whole world" might just be in order for that job alone ;0

My point here is that honoring me as my kids' Mom does not have to take anything away from the other parents here. We have and always will have different roles in this dance of life. Feeling guilty will never serve anyone any good. So rejoice and celebrate the roles we have got to have in our childrens life. We are blessed innumerably to participate in their lives no matter how much or how little the time. And who knows what the future holds. The past is the past. The choices were made. Had my kids' parents not choosen me, I feel quite sure they would have chose others. Spending time feeling guilty that they didn't choose to parent will not change what is. So do what you can do, find a way to celebrate what is. Life is short.

So yeah, I celebrated with my kids. I LOVED the letter that I got from my seven year old. I love the potholder my 9 year old son made and dug out of his backpack for me today (yes, 2 days late, ironically so like his Dad in so many ways lol) And I didn't feel guilty or sad. I hope their other parents chose to have a good day too. But if they did not or could not I get that too. I do. I hope they understand that my not also feeling sad about the day is only because in my mind it will do little good. The kiddos don't want me to be sad. They want their efforts to be appreciated and not falsely. They deserve that from me I feel. I can't change what is anymore then anyone can.

Peace is what I wish for my kids' other parents. I wish that for them always. On Mother's Day. On Father's Day. On all the days.

It was fun!

I wasn't too sure at first as we were in double melt down status half hour into the trip....I was thinking on calling DH and saying like "HELP!!!" and "COME AND GET ME" . But they settled down and were for the most part pretty good.

The zoo was OK. The polar bears are getting a much needed new home...meanwhile they are living in Detroit. And it is still to cold out at night for the sea lions to be outside in there super cool swiming spot and also too cold for the Giraffes to be in their out door spot. I have to say their indoor spot was rather small and made me sad to think they spend all winter in there. :(

But the humans had a good time! S chattered all through the zoo...and G had huge eyes just staring! A lot for her 17 mo old brain to take in.