My kids have another Mother. All 4.
After we adopted our first kiddo I had some thoughts that lent towards doing everything just perfect in order to raise the perfect son. One his Other Mother would also be proud of. And then I suppose she would pat me on the back and say well done! Almost a dreamlike setting if you will. I firmly called this Other Mother by her first name. I was after all the one doing all the hard work. I was earning the rights to the name. You betcha.
I probably have. But only because I had to. She didn't. She just was. And I can/could call her any imaginable name (and there are more then half a dozen out there anymore....birthmom, natural mom, first mom.....and so on) but it doesn't really matter because she is my sons Other Mother. He has 2. So do my 3 girls. We don't get to talk with them often, the Other Mothers. Really not at all. Decisions that were made for us that we agreed to. Initially I thought for the best and as years move on less so. But again, it doesn't really matter because it is what it is and what I agreed to. What the Other Mother wanted. At least at the time.
There may come a day when we get to have more of a relationship with the Other Mother's. And I no longer have a dream sense idea of what it will be like to see her again with my grown son. I hope we will both just be able to enjoy who ever he is all the flaws included. I know we will. And maybe just skip any sort of back patting.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Baby come back....
My baby came back today! She has been sooooo busy in her little 8 month world learning to crawl, pull up and generally explore her world that is seems she has time for Mom only for eating, changing and a few quick hugs for the last few weeks. Today its all about Mom! No one else can hold me and I only want to play with her to. Does my Mommy heart happy as I didn't realize just how much I had missed her. Aren't all the stages they go through just amazing?
We are hitting the potty training trail HARD this week. Many have said, just wait until September.....my list for September is getting to be more then huge I tell ya. And so being fed up with a nearly 3 year old who has ALL the skills to do it...just won't hit me this past weekend. And Monday was P -day so to speak. We were 50/50 yesterday....but today has been awesome! She has been awake now for 3 1/2 hours, no accidents. And very independent about it all to.
A happy day
We are hitting the potty training trail HARD this week. Many have said, just wait until September.....my list for September is getting to be more then huge I tell ya. And so being fed up with a nearly 3 year old who has ALL the skills to do it...just won't hit me this past weekend. And Monday was P -day so to speak. We were 50/50 yesterday....but today has been awesome! She has been awake now for 3 1/2 hours, no accidents. And very independent about it all to.
A happy day
Thursday, August 16, 2007
August musings
Summer sure has a way of speeding along doens't it?
The older two kiddos will be in school in just 2 short weeks. Wow. Mixed feelings on that one. I welcome the return to routine for the most part, but will miss them being around more. I can't believe my oldest will be in third grade. I taught that grade once upon a time.
jumping right along in my thoughts.....
I was reading a blog the other day and was struck by the phrase I'm going to take liberties to quote: "do not feel guilty because you are not the "good mommy" that someone else says you need to be" I love that. I have good kids. Not perfect, but good. I had something to do with that. Not everything, but enough. Every once in awhile I am guilty of trying to live to someone elses Mommying (is that a word) standards. It always makes me nuts, but I do it anyway. Anytime I catch myself doing that I'm going to remember the above quote. And just be MY kids' mom.
The older two kiddos will be in school in just 2 short weeks. Wow. Mixed feelings on that one. I welcome the return to routine for the most part, but will miss them being around more. I can't believe my oldest will be in third grade. I taught that grade once upon a time.
jumping right along in my thoughts.....
I was reading a blog the other day and was struck by the phrase I'm going to take liberties to quote: "do not feel guilty because you are not the "good mommy" that someone else says you need to be" I love that. I have good kids. Not perfect, but good. I had something to do with that. Not everything, but enough. Every once in awhile I am guilty of trying to live to someone elses Mommying (is that a word) standards. It always makes me nuts, but I do it anyway. Anytime I catch myself doing that I'm going to remember the above quote. And just be MY kids' mom.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Breathe of fresh air
Oh what a difference 10 days can make!
My Mom was released from the hospital yesterday and doing better from the way her voice sounds. This has really been such a long haul for her. She has 3 more weeks of antibiotics ahead of her (which make her sick) making the treatment well past 2 months of illness. But she is on the road to recovery.
All that is planned for this week is a 3 day camping trip. The best part is that it doesn't involve anything at MY house!!! :D I think that was what was stressing me out the most.
The yard is "in" accept for the grass as it is waaaaay to dry to try to grow grass. The kids and I are going to go on out and clean the camper and water water water plants this AM. It is beautiful out today. There is a seemingly happy breeze that blew away all the humidity from yesterday. The temp is down with a forcasted high of 75. I'm airing the house out as we speek and it already smells better!
Also need to check on the baby birds that took up residence in my hanging plant. The hanging plant is all but dead now but watching the birds has been fun!
My spirit just feels better. I'm looking forward to a fun trip with my family so we can rest a bit before the next adventure!
My Mom was released from the hospital yesterday and doing better from the way her voice sounds. This has really been such a long haul for her. She has 3 more weeks of antibiotics ahead of her (which make her sick) making the treatment well past 2 months of illness. But she is on the road to recovery.
All that is planned for this week is a 3 day camping trip. The best part is that it doesn't involve anything at MY house!!! :D I think that was what was stressing me out the most.
The yard is "in" accept for the grass as it is waaaaay to dry to try to grow grass. The kids and I are going to go on out and clean the camper and water water water plants this AM. It is beautiful out today. There is a seemingly happy breeze that blew away all the humidity from yesterday. The temp is down with a forcasted high of 75. I'm airing the house out as we speek and it already smells better!
Also need to check on the baby birds that took up residence in my hanging plant. The hanging plant is all but dead now but watching the birds has been fun!
My spirit just feels better. I'm looking forward to a fun trip with my family so we can rest a bit before the next adventure!
Monday, July 2, 2007
Seasons of motherhood
I found out today that my Mom has made some decisions with her health that I do not agree with. It has prolonged her illness and frankly makes me mad! This whole or
deal has made me think about the seasons of motherhood. Many times today I compared her to my kids, thinking she was acting very stubborn and rather selfish about things. Selfish? Isn't it her body? Isn't she entilted as an adult to decide what she wants to do with her health? Initially you would say yes, and ultimately that is probably right. But do things change a bit when you become a Mother. Do you have an added responsibility to take better care of yourself, even when your kids are grown and out of the house?
I'm still mulling that over in my head. I wonder too if this has hit me the way it has because I am in the throes of motherhood so to speak.
I had a rather tearful conversation with my weak and shivering Mother on the phone where I asked her to please go to the ER. She did shortly after that. Many times in the hours previous we children had asked her to do something and it wasn't until after that call that she did. I do not know for sure if that is what did it. But maybe. Maybe my being upset got her attention. I'm not normally like that. Maybe I reminded her in that way the reliance we have on our mothers, even when we don't want to. And the importance they have in our lives. Even when we don't get a long well. I happen to have a good relationship with my Mom. I know lots who don't. But even when you don't, there is a connection like none other. And because of it, I think as a mom, you agree to take the best care of yourself you can.
Yup, I do.
deal has made me think about the seasons of motherhood. Many times today I compared her to my kids, thinking she was acting very stubborn and rather selfish about things. Selfish? Isn't it her body? Isn't she entilted as an adult to decide what she wants to do with her health? Initially you would say yes, and ultimately that is probably right. But do things change a bit when you become a Mother. Do you have an added responsibility to take better care of yourself, even when your kids are grown and out of the house?
I'm still mulling that over in my head. I wonder too if this has hit me the way it has because I am in the throes of motherhood so to speak.
I had a rather tearful conversation with my weak and shivering Mother on the phone where I asked her to please go to the ER. She did shortly after that. Many times in the hours previous we children had asked her to do something and it wasn't until after that call that she did. I do not know for sure if that is what did it. But maybe. Maybe my being upset got her attention. I'm not normally like that. Maybe I reminded her in that way the reliance we have on our mothers, even when we don't want to. And the importance they have in our lives. Even when we don't get a long well. I happen to have a good relationship with my Mom. I know lots who don't. But even when you don't, there is a connection like none other. And because of it, I think as a mom, you agree to take the best care of yourself you can.
Yup, I do.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
My poor blog!! How dusty this corner is :(
Well...quick updates. We have officially moved. Our other house has sold, and we have 1 month and counting to get the rest of it cleared out (the garage!). What a nutty time.
Many have asked me if the new house is home yet. I've decided at least for me that it truely is not a house that gives me any real sense of home. Which I'm sure is a product of my experience. The house I grew up in was not the house my parents lived in when I was in college and would come "home". In my married life we have moved often. Home for me is, as clique as it sounds, where my heart is. As long as I have my hubby and kids....its home. So, I guess yes could be a much simpler answer! :)
So....close your eyes....turn off the world for a minute.....think about the word "home" does a certain house come into your mind? Or is it more feelings or people? I bet the answer is as unique is you are. :)
Well...quick updates. We have officially moved. Our other house has sold, and we have 1 month and counting to get the rest of it cleared out (the garage!). What a nutty time.
Many have asked me if the new house is home yet. I've decided at least for me that it truely is not a house that gives me any real sense of home. Which I'm sure is a product of my experience. The house I grew up in was not the house my parents lived in when I was in college and would come "home". In my married life we have moved often. Home for me is, as clique as it sounds, where my heart is. As long as I have my hubby and kids....its home. So, I guess yes could be a much simpler answer! :)
So....close your eyes....turn off the world for a minute.....think about the word "home" does a certain house come into your mind? Or is it more feelings or people? I bet the answer is as unique is you are. :)
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Sweet Sounds
My baby laughed today!! She has the sweetest chuckle and gurly (is that a word?) and wonderful. It is hard to think anything is bad in the world when you hear it.
And then you find out your husband doesn't know where your 8 year old is either. The girls and I had come home from an outing and J was no where in sight. I assumed he was with hubby...who assumed he was outside playing. An hour later we talked to discover he was not outside where we could see him. Thankfully hubby tracked him down. He was at a neighborhood kids house and he is OK. But is a disconcerting feeling not knowing where he was. Worrisome. I didn't have any premonitions that anything was really wrong. I hope that I would if there was something really amiss. I'm just the kind of person who needs to know where her 4 kids are at all times. Kindergarten was a big adjustment for me because I didn't know exactly what my kid did for hours at a time. Its just the way I am.
Hubby was raised a bit differently. He remembers running all over the neighborhood as a kid and his Mother not knowing where he was exactly. I had to tell my Mother where I was going. He agrees with me now saying the now almost classic phrase "times are different now" But are they? Because he agreed with me, I didn't say anything at the time. I have been thinking about it though. I think the biggest thing that is different is that people talk about things more then they used to. I think kids where stolen 20-30 years ago. They were sexually abused. They saw things they shouldn't have. They drank and did drugs. Had sex earlier then they maybe should have. Those things happend then. The big difference now is we talk about it more. Bringing an awareness that people perhaps just didnt think about when they were raising their kids.
The kid whose house J ran off to is 5 years older then he is. I gotta ask why this kid who is in Jr. High wants to play with my second grader. Maybe its innocent. Maybe he just really enjoys J's wild ideas and exuberant attitude. This kid has hung around in my yard quite a bit. I'm not going to go into details here in this public forum....but basically I'm OK with him playing outside where I can see them. My kids are not going to his house. My hubby has argued that he is a nice kid....and I hope he is. The thing is, bad guys lots of times ARE nice. Maybe I've watched to much Oprah and read to much on the internet. Sometimes you just gotta go with your gut. The age difference is to big. I don't know the family. It just isn't going to happen. And J's grounded for another week.
With all this, I just remind myself, My baby laughed today!
And then you find out your husband doesn't know where your 8 year old is either. The girls and I had come home from an outing and J was no where in sight. I assumed he was with hubby...who assumed he was outside playing. An hour later we talked to discover he was not outside where we could see him. Thankfully hubby tracked him down. He was at a neighborhood kids house and he is OK. But is a disconcerting feeling not knowing where he was. Worrisome. I didn't have any premonitions that anything was really wrong. I hope that I would if there was something really amiss. I'm just the kind of person who needs to know where her 4 kids are at all times. Kindergarten was a big adjustment for me because I didn't know exactly what my kid did for hours at a time. Its just the way I am.
Hubby was raised a bit differently. He remembers running all over the neighborhood as a kid and his Mother not knowing where he was exactly. I had to tell my Mother where I was going. He agrees with me now saying the now almost classic phrase "times are different now" But are they? Because he agreed with me, I didn't say anything at the time. I have been thinking about it though. I think the biggest thing that is different is that people talk about things more then they used to. I think kids where stolen 20-30 years ago. They were sexually abused. They saw things they shouldn't have. They drank and did drugs. Had sex earlier then they maybe should have. Those things happend then. The big difference now is we talk about it more. Bringing an awareness that people perhaps just didnt think about when they were raising their kids.
The kid whose house J ran off to is 5 years older then he is. I gotta ask why this kid who is in Jr. High wants to play with my second grader. Maybe its innocent. Maybe he just really enjoys J's wild ideas and exuberant attitude. This kid has hung around in my yard quite a bit. I'm not going to go into details here in this public forum....but basically I'm OK with him playing outside where I can see them. My kids are not going to his house. My hubby has argued that he is a nice kid....and I hope he is. The thing is, bad guys lots of times ARE nice. Maybe I've watched to much Oprah and read to much on the internet. Sometimes you just gotta go with your gut. The age difference is to big. I don't know the family. It just isn't going to happen. And J's grounded for another week.
With all this, I just remind myself, My baby laughed today!
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